


You. // Lashton Hemwin

by Lemonwiththepuff



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ashton Irwin Loves Luke Hemmings, Cheating, F/M, Luke Hemmings & Ashton Irwin Friendship, Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin Fluff, Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin Smut, M/M, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:15:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 29,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28453734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonwiththepuff/pseuds/Lemonwiththepuff
Summary: 'Having long hair doesn't necessarily make you a girl as long as you don't want it to', Ashton said and so Luke grew his hair out.'Gel nails or nailpolish make male hands look pretty too', Ashton said and so Luke got his nails done.'Make-up can be manly too', Ashton said and so Luke started wearing glittery eyeshadow.'You can wear what you want. Everything makes you look stunning', Ashton said and so Luke wore everything he liked.'The fans will accept and love you no matter what', Ashton said and so Luke accepted and loved himself no matter what.Sequel: 'Me'
Relationships: Kaitlin "KayKay" Blaisdell/Ashton Irwin, Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford & Crystal Leigh, Sierra Deaton/Luke Hemmings
Kudos: 6
Collections: My Stories





	1. One.

Luke nervously walked off of stage.  
A fan had yelled that he looked too feminine. Luke didn't know that there was such a thing as too feminine.

'Hey baby', Sierra said and kissed her boyfriend. Luke loved the feeling of Sierra's soft lips on his.

'You were awesome', she said and combed through Luke's blond hair.  
Enjoying the feeling, Luke closed his eyes, making Sierra chuckle.

'Purr purr.'

With intertwined hands, they walked towards the bands changing and shower room.  
Luke kissed Sierra one more time, before entering the room.  
The other three boys were already showering and the air was warm and damp.

Clothes fell to the floor and Luke went along with his towel and shower utensils into the big shower.

The blond boy always took the longest showers and since he had already started late to begin with, he was soon alone.

While enjoying the hot water running down his neck and back, he hummed to himself with closed eyes.  
His muscles relaxed and Luke felt the pressure falling off of him.  
Maybe he should stay in here forever.  
Maybe he was meant to be an all-time-shower boy.

'You always hum the most beautiful things under the shower', a voice said and Luke opened his eyes to look at Ashton. The honey-blond boy had a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair was laying wet on his head.

Luke thanked his band-member for the compliment and decided it would be time for shampooing his hair.

'What's wrong?'

'What do you mean?', Luke asked while massaging his favourite shampoo that had conditioner in it into his hair.  
He massaged his sculp a bit but it just felt better when Sierra did it.

'You seem nervous and you tend to be quiet even though your usual self is all bubbly and fun', Ashton explained his concerns.

'It's nothing', Luke tried to shrug ut off but Ashton knew his best friend too well.

'You can talk to me about everything', Ashton said but Luke only nodded. The situation was overwhelming him, which was why Ashton stopped talking and skipped to waiting for his friend.

When Luke was done, Ashton handed him his towel and as soon as Luke had wrapped it around his waist, Ashton pulled him into a brotherly hug.

Luke was surprised and hesitated before wrapping his arms around Ashton aswell, melting into the much needed hug.  
Sierra hugged and cuddled Luke a lot and as much as he loved it, he liked the idea of having someone else giving him comfort too, too.

'What about letting the girls have a girl's night and making a boy's night ourselves?'  
Luke liked the suggestion and agreed.

Calum and Michael were already sitting in one of the two vans along with Crystal, driving back to the hotel when Luke, Ashton, Sierra and Kaitlin hopped into the other one.

During the car ride, Ashton explained his idea of having a boy's night to them and the girls agreed.  
Kaitlin declined Sierra's offer of spending the night together, saying she is busy anyway.


	2. Two.

Luke felt bad for Sierra being alone but she assured him it would be fine.

'We can get some food though', she had said and since all of them were hungry, they stopped at a Subway.  
They brought their food to the hotel and split up there.

The boys went to Luke's room, Kaitlin to her and Ashton's and Sierra said she wanted to ask Crystal whether she wanted to go out.

Luke and Ashton sat down on the big bed and started to eat.  
While doing so, they kept glacing each other repeatedly.

'What?', Luke finally asked when he finished his food.  
Ashton also took the last bite of his food and shook his head.

'Nothing', Ashton said and threw their trash away. Luke watched Ashton walk through the room with a sigh.

'I'm sorry that I'm like this at the moment.'  
Ashton was now infront of the bed and sat down on the edge to look at Luke on the same eye-level.

'Don't apologize Lu. We're just worried about you', Ashton said and laid one hand on Luke's knee. A small smile appeared on the younger boy's lips and he nodded.

'I know.'  
Silence fell over the two boys until Luke decided to break it again.

'It's just not that easy, Ash', Luke said and Ashton swore, he could see tears in the guitarists eyes.

'What isn't?'

'Everything, just all of this', Luke said and pointed at his whole body. 

'Lu, what's wrong?'  
The older boy finally found some courage to scoot closer to the now sniffling guitarist and wrapped his arms around him.

'I have no idea how to put that in words Ash..'

'Try. I promise that I will listen to you as long as you want me to', Ashton assured him and Luke nodded.

'There was this fan today.. she yelled something', Luke started.

'What did she yell?'

'That I look too feminine.'  
Ashton raised an eyebrow at that.

'Yeah I know, right? It's stupid that I'm so hurt by that', the blue-eyed boy said and wanted to get up.

'No. Luke, please stay.'

'Why?'

'Because there's a reason for why it hurt you and I am desperate to help you', Ashton said and when he looked at Luke with his big, hazel eyes, Luke knew he could trust him. Something broke in him and tears started running down his cheeks while violent sobs escaped his chapped lips.

Ashton immediately hugged his friend tighter and ran his fingers through Luke's short locks. 

'Shh Luke. You'll be okay', Ashton said over and over again until Luke's sobs died down.  
Luke's hair was probably already greasy from Ashton's hands but neither of the boys cared.  
All they cared about was Luke's next words.

'I think I'm in the wrong body', Luke whispered and Ashton tightened his grip around him again.

'You think, that you're a girl in a boy's body?'  
Luke hesitated but nodded. He was scared what Ashton would think of him, scared he might tell Sierra and she would leave him. He was scared that they would kick him out of the band and be disgusted by him.

'It's okay Luke. I support you', Ashton said and Luke felt the pressure falling off of him. Ashton accepted him.

'Thank you', he said and wiped some tears away.

'For what?'

'For listening and accepting me.'


	3. Three.

It's been two weeks since Luke and Ashton had talked about the younger boy's issue and since then, Luke hadn't been the same.

'Thank you London!', Luke yelled and Ashton threw the taller boy over his shoulder, running off the stage along with Calum and Michael.

'Where do you get that energy from?', Michael said and breathed heavily while watching Luke dance around Sierra.

'I'm happy', he simply answered and continued dancing around his girlfriend who giggled at his dorky movements.

**

'Hey', Ashton said to make himself noticeable.

'Oh, hi Ash.'

'I was thinking about our conversation and I-', Ashton started but Luke cut him off.

'Shh, what if someone hears?'

'We're always last and Sierra and Kaitlin are waiting in the van.'

'Right.. continue', he said and smiled apologizingly at his friend.

'Well, I thought you could let your hair grow a little. Harry Styles did it and he nailed it.'

'Until he cut it off', Luke added.

'Yeah.. sad, but oh well.'

'Well, I could but wouldn't that be too obvious?'

'My hair was long aswell and no one cared too much about it. The fans loved it, even though they told me, I looked like Shaggy', Ashton said and picked up his bag.

'You did though.'

'Thanks.'  
The boys started walking towards the van but Luke stopped Ashton from getting into the van by grabbing his wrist.

The drummer looked at Luke with a questioning face but understood when Luke pulled him into a hug.

'I'll think about it. Thanks Ashy', Luke whispered into the other boys ear who blew him a kiss that Luke cought.

'What was that?', Kaitlin asked as Ashton sat down next to her.

'What was what?', Ashton asked while buckling in his seatbelt and smiled at Luke once more as he got in and sat next to Sierra. 

'That kiss thing. Why would you do that?', she asked, jealousy drenching her voice.  
Sierra, who had overheard Kaitlin's statement turned around to them.

'That's called friendship. Don't be like that', she said and turned back around to Luke. She rested her head on Luke's shoulder who lovingly laid an arm around her waist.

Kaitlin only huffed and looked out of the window for the whole car ride.  
Ashton sometimes wondered why he was even putting up with her but then he remembered what it felt like when her lips touched his and he pushed away all doubts.

When they arrived at their new hotel, Kaitlin stormed off with their card in her hand, leaving Ashton with a confused and sad expression.

'Why is she acting up like that?', Ashton asked when Sierra walked up to him.

'I have no idea Ash but I'm sure she's just having a bad day', she said and the boy nodded with a sigh.  
That must be it.

'We're all on the same floor', Calum said as he approached the others.

'Let's go then', Luke said and the all followed Michael and Crystal, who were walking infront of them.

'Don't worry too much', Sierra said once they stood infront of their rooms. Ashton knew that an argument would follow after him knocking on that door.

'Finally', Kaitlin groaned when she opened the door.  
Maybe he shouldn't have knocked in the first place.


	4. Four.

'Another day, another argument.'  
That's what Ashton's life looked like at the moment.  
No surprise that he rather spend his time with the other's instead of only her.

'You know what? You can do whatever the fuck you want now. I don't care, I'm going home', Kaitlin spat in his face but Ashton didn't care. He loved her after all.

'No please stay. I love you baby', Ashton begged but Kaitlin didn't bother to listen. She was too hurt to listen to his words.

'Please. I'm begging you', Ashton said and fell onto his knees.

'I can't Ashton. I love you too but you have to understand that I just can't do this right now', Kaitlin said and kissed her boyfriend's forehead once more before leaving.

'Kaitlin..', Ashton sobbed out but she couldn't hear him anymore.

**

'Ashton? Kaitlin?', someone asked and knocked on the door but Ashton was still sitting at the exact same spot as two hours ago, when Kaitlin left.

'She left..', he mumbled but finally got up when he realized that Luke was the one knocking on his door.

'Hey', he mumbled when he opened the door.

'Ashton.. what happened? Where's Kaitlin?', Luke asked but the other boy only shrugged. He didn't feel like talking about it.

Luke came in and closed the door behind him.

'Do you want to talk?', he asked but Ashton shook his head.

'No, not really. Maybe later', he answered and Luke nodded in understanding.

'Why did you knock on my door?', Ashton asked after a few seconds had passed.

'I uhm.. we wanted to go out a little and.. well I think the other thing can wait a little', Luke said and swayed back and forth on his feet.  
Ashton smiled at the small action.

'Come on, tell me.'

'Well, I decided to let my hair grow a little longer.'

'I thought so when you declined our monthly hair touch-up three days ago', the older boy said and Luke nodded.

'Yeah I thought about your words and it might actually help me a little. Even though I am really unsure with all of this.'

'What do you mean?'

'It's just.. it's not like I hate being a boy all of the time. It's just some days where I'd like to change', Luke explained.

'Maybe you aren't transgender then. Maybe it's something different', Ashton pointed out.

'But what?'

'I think it was Michael who told me about his friend back home who's sister was struggling with something similar. In the end, she stuck with cutting her hair short and getting different clothes to feel comfortable on both her boy and girl days.'  
Luke thought about that for a while.  
Could that be the right thing?

'But should I grow my hair long anyway?', Luke asked and Ashton sat down to pull Luke on his lap.

'Having long hair doesn't necessarily make you a girl as long as you don't want it to', Ashton answered and hugged Luke, his head resting against the tall boy's back.  
He enjoyed the warmth and comfort that Luke's body gave him. Kaitlin refused to cuddle with him since weeks.

'Yeah, you're right', Luke said and turned around a bit to face Ashton.  
He wrapped his arms around the boy's neck and rested his head on his shoulder.

'Maybe she's jealous', Luke suddendly spoke up.

'What?'

'Kaitlin. Maybe she's jealous', Luke explained his thoughts.

'Of who? Of you or what?'

'Yes. We are pretty close and maybe she can't handle that.'

'Are you sure?', Ashton asked, not sure if that was really the case.  
Yes, they were close but this close?  
Luke loved Sierra and Ashton? Ashton loved Kaitlin and she knew that.  
So why should she think that Ashton liked Luke?  
That didn't make any sense to him.

'It would explain a lot.'

'Yeah but I don't think that's it', Ashton said and Luke accepted that.  
In the end, Ashton knew Kaitlin the best.


	5. Five.

Luke was able to motivate the heart broken boy to go out after their little talk. Right now, they were walking down the stairs to get to the lobby.  
Two vans were already waiting infront of the hotel for the six young people.

'Ash?', Calum asked and the older boy looked up.

'Why is Kaitlin sitting in the lobby all by herself?', he asked but Ashton didn't bother to answer his question.

'Kaitlin?', he asked hopeful and when she stood up and ran towards him, everything was forgotten.

'I love you baby, I'm sorry', Ashton said and Kaitlin apoligized too, saying she should be the one who's sorry.

'No, no. It's my fault', he said and was more than happy to hold her in his arms.

Minutes passed and the others stood around awkwardly until Luke decided to make them noticeable again.

'Uhm.. we'd go to the club now. Wanna still join or..?', he asked and intertwined Sierra's fingers with his.

'I think we'll stay here', the oldest boy out of the band answered and so their ways parted.

The couple went upstairs to their room and after weeks of having only little touch, Kaitlin got close to Ashton again.

'Are you sure? We really don't have to if you don't want to. I'm fine without it as long as you stay here with me', Ashton rambled but Kaitlin shut him up by pressing her lips on his again.  
Clothes fell, sheets tangled and skin touched that night and Ashton was convinced that he was the happiest man alive right now.

A few kilometers away from them, Luke was convinced that he was the most confused man alive right now.  
Right now, the blond boy stood infront of the big mirror that hung above the sinks in the men's restroom and was tugging on his slightly curled hair strands.  
He liked his current hairstyle but he also wanted his hair to be longer.  
How long does it take for hair to grow long?  
Luke decided to ask Google and reached into the pocket of his pants for his phone. Instead of his phone, his fingers found a small light pink tube.

'What is that?', he asked himself and pulled it out of his pocket.  
The writing on the tube said 'lip gloss' and he remembered Sierra giving it to him because she didn't want to lose it.  
The question about his hair was already forgotten and his whole attention was on the lip gloss in his hands. He liked the way it looked and with a last glance at the door, he opened the tube and squeezed some of the product on his finger.  
It was mostly clear and had little sprinkles of glitter in it.

Without a second thought, he applied the gloss on his lips, liking the way his lips started to shine in the dim light of the restroom.

'Luke? Luke, are you in here? We want to leave', Michael's voice echoed through the small room.  
Luke nodded and looked in the mirror one last time, before leaving with a smile on his glossy lips.


	6. Six.

'Babe?'

'Babe. Your phone is buzzing since minutes', Kaitlin murmured and shook Ashton awake.

Ashton groaned and rolled over to grab his phone.

'Hello?'

'Hey Ashy', Luke's voice sounded up.

'Are you back?', Ashton asked and yawned.

'Mhm yes. I'm sitting in the hallway', Luke said and Ashton could tell by the way Luke slurred his words, that he was drunk.

'Why?'

'I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake up Sierra', Luke admitted and Ashton stood up to dress himself.  
He slipped in his briefs, a pair of sweatpants and got a shirt out of his wardrobe to put on aswell.  
With a last glance to the now sleeping Kaitlin, Ashton grabbed one of the two cards to the room, opened the door and stepped into the bright hallway.  
He hung up the phone and closed the door behind him, before turning around to be met with a wasted Luke sitting on the floor.

'Hey buddy', Ashton said and kneeled down infront of the boy.

'Hey. You're here', Luke replied.

'You're here', Ashton said back and Luke giggled.

'No, I said that.'

'I know', Ashton answered with a grin but Luke had a serious face on.

'You can't say that if I say that because that's boring', Luke tried to make his point clear but Ashton just shook his head and laughed.

'Ash? You think glossy lips are too much?', Luke asked all of a sudden and pursed his lips to show Ashton the newly applied gloss.

'Uh uhm no. It looks great on you actually', Ashton answered and pushed a strand of Luke's hair back in place while looking at Luke's lips.

'Thanks Ashy.'  
Neither of them moved and eventually, the light turned off and it was dark in the hall. Only the numbers of the rooms lit up the hallway but it was enough for Ashton to see how beautiful Luke was.

Ashton kept glancing at Luke's lips and started licking his own.  
Why was he acting like that?

'Why are you looking at my lips? Aren't they pretty? You said they were', Luke said with a pout on his lips that made them look even more kissable.

'No, I meant what I said. I just wonder what it tastes like', Ashton replied and touched Luke's bottom lip softly.

'Wanna try?', Luke asked and before Ashton could answer, he had pressed his lips against Ashton's shortly.

'Now you can try and then you know what they taste like', Luke giggled.  
Ashton only nodded hesitantly but slowly licked the gloss off of his lips, his eyes not leaving Luke for a second.

'Watermelon.'

'I like it.'

'I like it too', Luke answered but Ashton shook his head.

'No, I don't think you understand', Ashton mumbled and got closer to the blond boy. Luke was too drunk to think straight and parted his legs, so Ashton could sit inbetween them.

'You are really beautiful', Ashton said and cupped Luke's cheek with one hand, caressing it with his thumb.

'Thank you', Luke again said like the well-behaved boy he was.  
Since Ashton was kneeling infront of Luke, he was a bit taller than him, which caused Luke having to look up.  
Neither of them minded being this close and neither of them minded feeling each other's breath. Ashton could smell the mixture of alcohol and watermelon and he would lie if he would say that he didn't enjoy sitting this close with a drunk Luke, at night in a dark hotel hallway.

Their noses were already brushing against each other and Ashton could faintly feel Luke's lips against his, when a door opened and the light turned back on.

'Ashton? What are you doing?', Kaitlin asked confused.  
But when she saw the position her boyfriend was in and made out Luke sitting underneath him, she pulled Ashton violently away. Instead of yelling at him, she just went back into their room and left the door open.

'Go to sleep, yeah?', Ashton said to Luke and walked off to get into his room. Luke was again too drunk to understand the situation and decided to just listen to his friend.

Ashton on the other hand stood infront of a raging Kaitlin.

'What the fuck was that?'


	7. Seven.

'What are you talking about?', Ashton asked and decided to play stupid even though he knew that she wouldn't let him brush it off that easily.

'You kissed Luke, Ashton and last time I checked, I was your girlfriend.'

'You are.'

'Why did you kiss him then?', Kaitlin asked and rested both her hands on her waist, looking at her lying boyfriend with a raised eyebrow.

'I didn't Ka-', Ashton started but Kaitlin interrupted him while shaking her head in disbelief.

'After all this time, you really think that you can lie to me like this? I'm not stupid, Ashton. I know what I saw and I am asking you only once more. Why did you kiss him?', she said.  
The drummer didn't know what to say anymore because right know, he didn't knew himself why he did it.

'Ashton honestly, if you like him and you two are having something going on just tell me instead of hiding. This isn't fair, neither for me nor Sierra', Kaitlin said, her face softening when she heard Ashton sniffling.

'I don't know why I did that. I am so sorry', Ashton whispered.

'Oh Ashton', Kaitlin mumbled and hugged her boyfriend. She couldn't be mad at him anymore since he seemed to be confused himself. They would fingure this out, together.

***

'Luke?'  
Sierra sat up and watched her boyfriend stumble through the room until he kneeled down on the floor infront of her bedside.

'Shh, Sierra is sleeping', Luke giggled.

'I am Sierra, you dummy', Sierra answered and watched him changing from confused to giggling again.

'Right, sorry.'

'It's fine baby but why aren't you sleeping?'

'I was in the hallway because I couldn't sleep and called Ashy', Luke explained while drawing patterns with his fingers on the bed sheet.

'Was he awake?'  
The blond boy nodded eagerly.

'And he wasn't mad?'  
Luke shook his head this time and smiled brightly, showing his teeth.

'Not at all. He gave me kisses', Luke answered, touching his lips. He could still feel the older boys lips on his.

'Kisses?', Sierra asked confused. She wasn't sure whether he said that because he was drunk.

'Yes, like you do. No, I did. I'm a dummy', Luke rambled and stood up, just to lay down on his side of the bed.

Before Sierra could say anything else, the boy was already sound asleep and in his own dream world.


	8. Eight.

Everyone seemed equally confused or deep in thoughts the next morning.

Crystal and Michael hadn't shown up to breakfast in the first place and Sierra, Luke, Ashton and Kaitlin sat on a table along with Calum who seemed to be more than hung-over.

'Luke?'  
The adressed boy hummed in response.

'Can you remember last night?'

'Uhm, no not really to be honest but I feel like I'm still drunk anyway so..', Luke answered and continued eating breakfast just like everyone else.  
He didn't notice the few times that Ashton had glanced at him while biting his lips.

Breakfast passed in silence and Luke and Calum seemed the only ones to not feel the tension that had build up.  
Luke was the first one to break the silence when Kaitlin got up and left the room they were currently sitting in. 

'Is she okay?', Luke asked confused but Ashton only got up with a sigh and followed his girlfriend.

'Sierra?'

'Don't worry about it', she shrugged it off, even though her voice gave away that she knew something and gave a Luke a small smile. The blond boy had always been oblivious to things like that.

'Let's go to our room aswell. I think Cal needs a couple more hours of sleep aswell', she said and Calum nodded thankfully.

***

'Kaitlin, please', Ashton said and watched Kaitlin ignoring him.

'What did I do wrong now?'  
She didn't answer and Ashton was close to tears again when Kaitlin finally looked at him.

'I'm not asking for much but it would be lovely if I'd get a bit more attention. I am not asking to get more than Luke but at least just as much as you give him.'

'What makes you think he gets more?', Ashton asked nervously, knowing exactly that he hadn't been able to tear away his eyes from Luke. It wasn't Ashton's fault that Luke was beautiful.

'If you'd look at me just once the way you looked at him', Kaitlin said.

'I do', the boy tried to defend himself but Kaitlin was quick to answer.

'You did, past tense', she said and with that, Ashton was silent. It didn't matter how many times he looked at his girlfriend, she was just missing something he hadn't noticed before. She had always been enough for him until he realized that Luke was indeed a very handsome man. Kaitlin just wasn't Luke and Ashton hated that he just couldn't be happy with his girlfriend.

'Kaitlin-'.

'I don't want to hear it Ashton. Do me favor and let me think this whole Luke thing over.'

'It's not a Luke thing', Ashton mumbled and left the room without knowing where to go.  
Normally he would go to his best friend but that just happened to be Luke who was kind of the reason for his realtionship problems.

Ashton decided that Michael would probably be his best shot since Calum was most likely sleeping. With that in mind, he went to his friend's hotel room and knocked on the wooden door.

'Coming', was heard from inside and only seconds later, Crystal opened the door.

'Oh hey Ashton. Mikey is showering right now', she said. When she saw Ashton's face, she immediately let him in and offered him a seat that he gladly took.

'Do you want to talk?', she asked and sat down on one of the chairs in the room, pulling one knee up to her chest and resting her chin on her knee.

'I really don't want to bother you.'

'You're not bothering me, Ashy. We're friends too, remember? Now tell me what's giving you sleepless nights', she said, referring to the dark circles under the boys eyes.

'I.. uhm it's complicated I guess', Ashton said and fiddled with his fingers, not knowing how to continue.

'I'm sure, I will understand what you are trying to tell me. Just give it a try', she reassured him.

'Kaitlin and I aren't exactly on good terms lately.'

'Well, I feel like you never are, as harsh as that sounds', Crystal points out and Ashton nods in agreement.

'Yeah and I just happened to.. well I tend to fall out of love instead of in', he said, furrowing his eyebrows at his poor attempt to explain his situation.  
Crystal on the other hand just nodded and waited for him to continue.

'There happened to be someone I just grew onto a little too much, I think.'

'So you've met someone new?', Crystal asked and Ashton nodded.

'Not exactly someone new but yes, I think you could put it like that', he said, his eyes focusing on the oh-so interesting patterned rug that covered a good amount of the wooden floor.

'Ashton, I think you should talk to her. I feel like both of you aren't happy right now and to be honest, it isn't fair to Kaitlin if you are starting to lose interest', Crystal spoke out what Ashton already knew.

'She kind of knows.'

'Kind of?'

'Yes.'

'What's that supposed to mean.'

'She uhm caught us or rather me getting a little too close to him and yeah.. she saw and we fought', he added.

'Am I allowed to just say straight up what I think happened?', she asked and received a silent 'yes' from Ashton.

'Are we talking about Luke and was it the night where Kaitlin left?'

'It was yesterday', he corrected her.

'So it is Luke and considering how much he drank, he can't remember a thing?'

'Yeah', Ashton mumbled and buried his face in his hands.

'It's fine Ashton. I get why you like him, he's a great guy', she says, making Ashton smile a little.

'He is.'


	9. Nine.

A few weeks passed and the first half of the tour was coming to an end, which meant that they were just leaving their last concert city, flying back to Los Angeles.

'I really like your new hairstyle', Sierra said and Luke smiled at Ashton who sat only two seats away from him.  
Luke had followed his plan and wore is hair longer now. It would take a few more months before it would be as long as Luke wanted it but the blond boy enjoyed the way his hair was curling into his face.

Kaitlin huffed at the smile that Ashton returned to Luke, making him sigh.  
With every day that passed, the urge to break up with Kaitlin was getting bigger. Not just because Ashton had come to terms with him liking Luke a lot. It was because of her attitude.  
Every second night, Kaitlin kicked Ashton out of their room or left for hours, sometimes not even showing up to her boyfriend's concerts.

He hoped Kaitlin would calm down a little during their two-week break, and maybe Ashton could catch some feelings again.  
Although when he looked at her the way she was sitting in her seat, arms folded and frowning, he very much doubted it.

***  
'Hey Ash. Before we go home, how are you?', Crystal asked after making sure that no one was listening.

'I am fine. It's hard but what isn't?', he answered and earned a sigh from Crystal.

'Just please think this Kaitlin thing over, okay?'

'I will', Ashton promised and said his goodbye's to everyone before grabbing Kaitlin's hand and leaving.  
No one noticed the hurt look on Luke's face when Ashton didn't hug him like usual and only Crystal noticed Ashton's last glance at Luke.

Like usual, Kaitlin didn't talk to Ashton during the whole car ride back to Ashtons flat. She was rather texting her friends and soon opened up to Ashton about her plans.

'I'll leave for two weeks and go back to my parents place', she said and Ashton only nodded. Normally it would hurt him to know that she was leaving but if he was being honest, right now he was more than glad that she did.

Ashton was surprised though, when Kaitlin didn't even got out of the car once they arrived.

'Will you leave immediately?'

'Yes', she answered without looking at her boyfriend once.

'Alright. Have a great time', Ashton said but again, Kaitlin didn't answer.  
He watched as the car drove away, after he got his things out and went into his flat.  
Shutting the door with his foot, he dropped his things on the floor and went to his bedroom.  
The whole flat was dark and cold but Ashton didn't mind.

Falling face-first on his bed, he stopped hiding his feelings.  
Loud sobs escaped his lips and tears started staining his baby blue sheets.  
He could feel his chest tighten and he swore that he had never felt so much pain at once.

It might have been the fact that he held back his tears for so long but after hours of screaming and crying out his pain, he finally fell asleep, still shivering from the low temperatures.

***  
'Effing hell', Ashton groaned as he woke up the next morning.  
The normally peaceful boy was drenched in sweat and dried tears covered his cheeks.  
The whole night he had been turning and when he wasn't awake, nightmares haunted him.  
Nightmares in which he saw Luke being almost his but everytime he was only seconds away from kissing the gorgeous boy, Sierra showed up and made him realize that she had what he wanted.

Luke would never tell Ashton that he loves him.

Ashton would never get to see Luke's face every morning when he woke up, sharing sweet kisses.

He would never.

Exhaustion took over him and he drifted off to sleep again.  
Maybe after all, sleeping was easier.


	10. Ten.

Second week of their break started and Luke almost forgot about Ashton's weird behaviour.  
Well, just almost.

'I might have hurt him?'

'Luke please. Ashton is a grown up man and will tell you if something is wrong.'

'You don't know that for sure. He might need a friend', Luke said and images of his best friend crying came into his mind.

'You're right, I don't. But wanna know what I do know?', Sierra asked and looked at Luke.

'What?'

'You haven't touched your breakfast yet and we have to leave now if we want to be on time', Sierra said.

'Oh, I forgot', Luke mumbled and got up, taking one of his toasts with him.  
In a matter of minutes, Luke was dressed, ate a total of three toasts and brushed his teeth.

'Can we leave?', Sierra asked, leaning against the doorframe of their bathroom.

'My hair', he whined and pulled at a few strands, hoping that they would magically start to look good.

Sierra sighed and walked towards Luke, taking his hands into hers.

'Baby, calm down. You look good, okay? You never not look good. It doesn't matter if one strand isn't perfectly neat next to the other', Sierra said and kissed Luke's lips that started to form a smile.

'You're the best.'  
With that, both of them left the house and got into the van. Luke's management insisted that the boys used the vans and bodyguards during break and if Luke was being honest, it was indeed useful.

'And off we go', Luke said and kissed his girlfriend again.  
His thoughts kept wandering towards a certain curly headed boy and the whole day, Luke wished for the break to end, so he could see him again.

Maybe it was a stupid idea to go and say that they'd all go seperate ways during the break.  
Maybe it was a stupid idea of Luke to go out tonight and drink alcohol.  
Maybe it was fate that Sierra met some of her friends and Luke was once again left alone in the men's bathroom.

When Luke also found himself putting lip gloss on and thinking about what Ashton had said about it, he made a decision.  
Maybe the decision was stupid but it didn't feel like it, when he called an uber and told the driver Ashton's address.  
Luke did not feel guilty when he realized that he had sneaked past the bodyguards and had left Sierra alone without telling her, where he was going.

Luke paid the driver and got out of the car, stumbling towards Ashton's house. His toxicated mind didn't see anything weird or wrong in turning up drunk at his house which was why he carelessly rang the bell, waiting for his best friend to open the door.

Ashton on the other hand was sitting on his couch, reading a book, hoping that diving into a fictional world would solve his problems.  
The boy had felt a little bit better after taking a shower two ours ago.   
He had slipped into a grey shirt, boxers and blue pajama pants and had put on his glasses that he needed to read.  
Since then, he hadn't stopped reading.

To say that he was surpised when someone rang on his door was probably the best way to describe it.  
After all, Kaitlin was at home and the boys wouldn't visit during break, would they?

'Hey Ashy', Luke slurred as Ashton opened the door and fell into the boys arms.

'Are you drunk? Why are you here and where's Sierra?'  
Ashton closed the door carefully so he wouldn't drop the tall boy that was currently clinging to him.

'Yes, you, club', Luke answered the questions.

'What about the bodyguards?'

'I was sneaky, like a little ninja', Luke said with a serious face which made Ashton laugh. He couldn't help but adore the boy and even though he knew that Luke had Sierra and Ashton had Kaitlin, he didn't care.

'Sure you were', Ashton said and helped Luke to sit down on the couch.

'Ashy?'

'Hm?'

'Why are you sad?'  
Ashton was slightly cought off guard by his best friend's question.

'I'm not. Why would you think that?', Ashton asked and sat down next to Luke, pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them.

'Because you look so sad.'  
Luke was too intoxicated to answer Ashton's question with common sense but the other boy hadn't expexted too much of an answer anyway.

'Oh', Ashton only answered.

'I have lip gloss on again', Luke mumbled after a while.

'You do?'

'Yeah, look', Luke said and leaned forward, pursing his lips.

'Oh, it looks pretty. It's a different one, right?'

'Yes', Luke said, his eyes lightening up due to Ashton noticing.

'I bought this one yesterday and it's banana', Luke added.  
Ashton had to smile at the passion that Luke could put into lip gloss.  
Ashton loved how Luke closed his eyes when he smiled widely like he did right now.  
Ashton loved Luke.

'Why don't we go to bed, huh?', Ashton asked afted a few minutes passed and Luke nodded eagerly.

Luke followed his friend into the bathroom and sat down on the closed toilet seat.

'You still have a toothbrush here', Ashton said and took a pale pink one out, along with his own.

'There you go', Ashton said and gave Luke his toothbrush.

'Thanks', Luke said and watched Ashton brushing his teeth.  
The drummer always walked around the house while doing so which was why Luke was now alone in the bathroom.  
He could see Ashton opening the dishwasher through the opened door and couldn't help but stare.  
He smiled when the smaller boy had to stretch to reach the top shelves.  
Everytime he did so, skin was revealed and Luke was close to drooling.

'Hey!'  
Luke's head snapped up and he was met with Ashton standing infront of him.

'Uh hey', Luke said back.  
Ashton mumbled something incomprehensible which made Luke cock his head.

'What?', Luke asked confused  
Ashton bend over the sink to spit out the toothpaste and cleaned his mouth before turning back around.  
Luke still had his toothbrush in his hand and didn't look like he was going to use it soon.

'Did you just stare at me the whole time?', Ashton repeated his sentence.

'No, I just uhm made sure that you were okay?'

'Sure', Ashton said and playfully rolled his eyes before taking the toothbrush from Luke's hand.

'Let me help you', Ashton said and Luke opened his mouth almost immediately.

Luke looked into Ashton's hazel eyes while the boy carefully brushed Luke's teeth.  
Ashton hoped that Luke didn't notice the blush that covered his cheeks.

'Sit on my lap', Luke tried to say with his mouth full of toothpaste and toothbrush but Ashton couldn't understand him.

'What?'

'Sit on my lap.'

'Luke, I can't understand you at all', Ashton said and squeled in surprise when Luke just pulled him on his lap.

'I uhm.. uh Luke, sorry', Ashton mumbled and wanted to stand up but Luke's hands on his hips held the boy in place.

'Stay', Luke said and waited for his friend to continue brushing his teeth.

The drummer needed a few seconds to catch himself but continued then.

'We're done', Ashton mumbled after another two minutes and Luke nodded.

The older boy got up and Luke went to the sink. When he was done, Ashton already sat on his bed, dressed in boxers and the grey shirt.  
Luke stumbled towards the bed but tripped and fell face first on the bed.

'Oh god, are you alright?', Ashton asked, bursting out laughing.


	11. Eleven.

'Sure', Luke also laughed and turned around on his back.

'You should probably take off your pants and maybe your shirt because you smell like smoke', Ashton said after their laughters had died down.

'Do it for me?'

'Come on. I already brushed your teeth', Ashton complained.

'Yes you did. Now you have to finish the job', Luke just said and grinned at his best friend.

'You're a pain in the bum, Hemmings', Ashton groans but starts to help him out of his hoodie anyway.

'Says the one who says bum instead of-', Luke started but as soon as his hoodie was off, Ashton's lips were on his.

Luke immediately pulled Ashton closed so the boy sat on his lap again.  
His arms were tightly wrapped around Ashton's torso, while the drummers arms were around his neck.

'Luke', Ashton moaned as Luke grapped his butt, which made the drummer roll his hips.

'Fuck it', Luke moaned out and ripped Ashton's shirt off before doing the same thing to his own.

'Get them off Ash', Luke whined as he tried to unbutton his pants.

'I told you to not get these pants', Ashton shot back while fiddling with the buttons himself.

'But I look great in them.'

'Facts.'  
The pants soon no longer bothered them and their conversation had stopped. Hot kisses were shared and only minutes later, both boys were covered in lovebites.

Luke's hands wandered under Ashton's boxers, taking in every inch of skin.

'More', Luke begged.  
Ashton always gave his boy what he wanted but he knew that they had to stop.  
He became painfully aware of the situation they were in and he knew that this was wrong. Even though Luke wanted him now, he would think different once he sobered up.

'We have to stop Lukey', Ashton said and wanted to stand up but Luke wouldn't let him.

'I need you', he whined and pressed his lips on his friend's.

'I need you too baby but we can't.'

'Why not?'  
Luke tried to get any friction by grinding against Ashton, who had a hard time controlling himself.

'You're drunk. Luke, you have a girlfriend', Ashton explained but it felt like Luke didn't listen.

'She'll be fine with it', Luke answered and that's when it hit Ashton.  
Luke couldn't understand what they were actually doing right now.  
He had no idea that he just cheated on his girlfriend.  
Ashton cheated on his own girlfriend but unlike Luke, he didn't love her.

'We should sleep', Ashton mumbled and grabbed his shirt, before helping Luke into his hoodie.

'I'm hot', Luke said and turned to Ashton who smiled as he ran his fingers through Luke's longer getting locks.

'You are.'

***  
The next morning was eventful to say the least.  
When Luke had woken up, he first didn't notice that something was off.  
He only was surprised to find Ashton cuddled to his side, his head rested on his chest.

When Ashton himself woke up, Luke saw the boy's in lovebite's covered neck.

'What?', he mumbled and looked around the room. His clothes were on the bedroom floor and his head was pounding.

'Did something happen?', Luke asked but it was enough for Ashton to start tearing up.

'Ashton?', he asked confused and got up to go to the bathroom.  
Did his neck look like this too?

'Fuck', Luke mumbled when he looked at his neck. Dark bruises covered his usually pale skin.

Within seconds, Luke ran back to Ashton, sitting down on the bed again.

'I am so sorry', Ashton cried out but Luke only scooted closer and hugged the boy.

'Aren't you mad?'

'I should be but I can't', Luke answered honestly, while rubbing Ashton's back in order to comfort him.

'I am so fucking sorry Luke. I am a horrible friend', Ashton sobbed and crawled onto Luke's lap, facing the boy.  
He looked into the other boy's eyes, barely being able to make out the boy's familiar features through his tears.

'I shouldn't have done this and I'm the one to blame.'

'It's okay Ashton. Just because I was drunk, doesn't mean that it's just your fault.'

'It is..', Ashton mumbled, thinking back to when Luke kissed him in the hallway.

'What do you mean?'  
Luke looked at his best friend in concern.

'What happened?'

'It's nothing..', Ashton whispered and wanted to kick himself for being so obvious.

'Ashton, please tell me. Has something like this happened before?', Luke asked and the worry in his voice was driving Ashton insane.

'Somehow.. it was the night when you all were out and I stayed at the hotel', Ashton said, nervously biting on his lip.

'What did we do?'

'You just kissed me.. it was just a quick peck on the lips because you wanted me to show what your lip gloss tasted like.'  
Luke stayed silent, trying to get the information in. He had kissed Ashton and he obviously did a little bit more this time around.

'Did we..?', Luke asked, leaving the rest of the sentence unspoken.

'Almost but no. You're good', Ashton mumbled and got up, leaving Luke alone just like always.


	12. Twelve.

'What a I supposed to do now?', Luke mumbled to himself as he stood infront of the mirror once again.  
He hadn't left Ashton's house just yet for two reasons.  
One being Ashton and the other one being the obvious lovebites on his neck.

'I could call Sierra and tell her that Ashton needs me?', he once again said out loud before nodding and getting out his phone.

'Hey babe', Sierra said as she answered the phone.

'Why did you leave yesterday without telling any of us?'  
Luke sighed and touched one of the bruises.

'Ashton called me. He doesn't feel too good and needed me to come over', Luke lied while trying to push the feeling of guilt aside.

'Oh, I hope he feels better now?'

'Well he kind of asked me to stay over for a few days..', he explained.

'Oh', Sierra said again.

'Well, that's fine with me', she then said and soon, the phone call was over.  
Now there was only one thing left to do. He had to find Ashton and talk to him.

***  
Hours had passed and when Ashton had finally decided to come back home, he was surpised to be met with his best friend on his couch.

'You're still here?'  
Ashton sat down on the armchair, next to the couch and looked at Luke.

'Can't really leave like this', he said and pointed at the lovebites.

'Right.'

'Also, I want to talk to you', Luke said and moved to the side of the couch that was closer to the armchair.

'About what?'

'Please Ashton. You know exactly about what and I'm worried.'

'Well, you have no reason to be. You can stay until our mistake faded', Ashton said and got up.

'Don't call it a mistake', Luke spoke up and Ashton immediately stopped but he didn't turn around.

'What should I call it then Luke, huh?'

'I have no fucking idea but it was no mistake', the guitarist said and turned Ashton around.

'Why? Why not? You regret it, don't you? Isn't the guilt already eating you alive?'  
Luke didn't answer which made Ashton huff.

'See? Let's just forget about it.'

'Yeah, let's just forget about it', Luke repeated Ashton's words but he knew that he wouldn't.

***  
The two days were horrible. Ashton barely talked to Luke and Luke had settled with sleeping on the couch.  
Everytime Luke tried to talk to Ashton, Ashton refused to even look at his friend and left Luke wondering if this might break them and the band apart.

What Luke didn't know though was that Ashton was in fact trying his very best but love just wasn't easy.  
His chest felt heavy, everytime Luke laid down on the couch because he wanted nothing more than to cuddle with the boy in his bed.

'Luke?', Ashton asked as he slowly entered the bathroom that Luke was in.

'Yes?'  
Luke tried to hide the smile that was forming on his lips.

'I'm sorry Lukey', Ashton said and walked towards Luke who was currently getting ready for bed.

'It's okay Ash.'

'Please sleep in my bed tonight, yeah? Just like we always did..'

'Sure Ash. I'd be glad to.'

Luke finished getting ready and soon, the friends went to bed.  
Both boys got under the sheets, not daring to touch or look at each other.

'What is wrong?', Luke dared to speak up after the silence felt goo heavy on him.

'Nothing, nothing', Ashton mumbled, looking at his hands.  
The curly headed boy jumped when a smaller hand was put onto his own.

'I'm here for you, you know that.'  
Ashton nodded and took his love's hand into his.

'Just like I am Lukey', Ashton said and gave Luke a sincere smile.  
The guitarist smiled back and crawled closer to Ashton, curling into the drummer's side and resting his head on his chest.

'So.. your hair got pretty long.'

'It did, yeah. I'm glad you told me to do it', Luke answered and closed his eyes when Ashton ran his fingers through his blond locks.

'I thought I could.. maybe.. you know, paint my nails maybe. Would that look stupid? Probably.. I shouldn't do that', Luke started rambling but Ashton silenced him by covering the boy's mouth.

'Of course you can.'

'But what if people laugh at me? I already have longer hair. Gel nails or nail polish would be too much', Luke pointed out but Ashton only shook his head.

'Gel nails or nailpolish make male hands look pretty too', Ashton replied and continued drawing small patterns with his thumb on Luke's hand.

'Are you sure?'

'100 percent. Tomorrow, we will go out and get your nails done, alright?', Ashton said and when he saw Luke's face light up in excitement, he knew that he had already fallen way too hard for the gorgeous blonde.


	13. Thirteen.

'Something simple?'

'Yeah. I think that would be a good way to start', Ashton said and Luke grabbed a bottle with black nail polish.

The boys soon were back at Ashton's house, sitting on the floor of the big bathroom.  
Right now, Ashton was watching Luke with a fond smile as the boy tried to paint his nails.  
Luke tended to stick out his tongue whenever he was concentrated and Ashton couldn't help but adore him.

'Help me?', Luke asked as he had once again messed up a nail.

'Sure', Ashton answered and moved closer, grabbing the small brush from Luke.

'Sometimes darling, less is more', Ashton said and received a stuck-out tongue from Luke.

'Hey! That's not very nice', Ashton complained with a fake pout while Luke tried to look surprised.

'Oh, it isn't? I'm incredibly sorry', Luke said and Ashton laughed while shaking his head a little.

'I can't believe it. Why are you so good at this? I want you as my personal nail painter', Luke exclaimed, not seeing Ashton's shocked expression.

'Luke, stop moving your hands so much. You'll mess it up.'

'Sorry mum', Luke mumbled.  
Ashton nodded relieved as Luke continued to talk about his nail painting skills without too many hand movements.

'Are they dry? They are dry, are they?'

'Stop poking them!'

'But I want to know if they are dry', Luke complained.

'You've sat here for an hour, not moving an inch. I'm positive they are', Ashton replied.

'Great. Then Ashy..', Luke started, standing up slowly.

'What?'

'Run', Luke yelled and started chasing Ashton.

'Why? I just showered and now you're making me sweat again!'  
Ashton had indeed showered and Luke hadn't bothered leaving the room. Instead, he had turned around and they had sung together.

When Ashton ran into his bedroom, Luke threw himself on the boy, making them fall straight onto the bed.

'Ouch!', Ashton said as Luke landed exactly on top of him.

'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'For being here', Luke answered and once again, cuddled into the older boy's side.

'Actually you are being here because I kind of live here', Ashton replied, making Luke huff.

'Just take a thank you and stop being a smartass about it.'

'Alright, alright. You're welcome darling.'

The next thing Luke knew was his phone ringing.

'Hello?'

'Hey babe. How's Ashton?'  
Luke looked at the mentioned boy.  
Ashton was still sleeping, since they had fallen asleep after talking and cuddling.

'Better but I'd stay about two more days if that'd be fine with you?', Luke asked, biting his lip nervously.

'Stop doing that. That's hot', Ashton suddenly spoke up while rubbing his eyes.

'I uhm.. sorry. Could you repeat that?', Luke apologised for not listening to his girlfriend and tried to ignore the fact that he was blushing.

'I said it's okay. Tell Ashton I said hi, okay?', Sierra said and Luke nodded absently.

'I will.'

'Alright. I miss you', Sierra said with a sigh.

'I miss you too but I'll be back soon, I promise.'

'I know. I love you, goodbye.'

'Love you, bye', Luke replied and hung up. As soon as he had put down his phone, he started fiddling with his fingers.

'Luke', Ashton whined as the boy continued biting his lip.

'Sorry', Luke immediately answered and stopped.

'So, two more days?'

'Yeah, two more days', Luke repeated his friend's words and was soon pulled into a hug again.

'What are we going to do until then?'

'We could go into my pool', Ashton thought out loud.

'Yeah, that'd be fun', Luke answered, thinking about how long he hadn't been in a pool. Ashton on the other hand only thought about the shirtless Luke he would be able to see then.

'Yeah, fun.'


	14. Fourteen.

'Oh my god. Have you seen the new edited pictures of Harry Styles?', Luke asked as he walked into the kitchen where Ashton was already preparing tea.

'No and good morning', Ashton said.

'Yeah yeah but look', Luke said, shoving his phone into Ashton's face.

'I'd love too but my forehead isn't exactly capable of doing so.'

'Sorry', the younger boy mumbled, moving his phone a little further away.

'He looks great', Ashton said as he looked at the pictures.

'I wish I could pull that off', Luke said and sounded a lot less excited than he was just seconds ago.

'Who says you can't?'

'It would make me look way too feminine', Luke answered, sitting down on the floor, his back against Ashton's counter.

'First of all, you know we have chairs?'

'Yep', Luke answered, plopping the 'p'.

'And second of all, we've discussed that. There's no such thing as too feminine. You can do whatever you want and if you'd like to wear make up then do it. I'm down for it because you'd look stunning', Ashton said, noticing that he had started to slightly ramble at the end.

'Really?', Luke asked, looking up at the other boy. Ashton's heart was pretty much melting as Luke's incredibly beautiful blue eyes looked at him with hope.

'Of course Lu! Why'd you think anything else? Have you ever seen yourself? You're gorgeous and I'm sure you could wear a trash can and still look incredible.'

'Thank you but I don't think I could.'

'You can and I'll prove it some time', Ashton said and with that, they started eating breakfast.

'Ashton?', Luke yelled as he stood in the bathroom after they had finished breakfast.

'What?'

'I kind of forgot that I don't exactly have swimming trunks.'

'Go without then', Ashton answered carelessly as he now stood in the room, making Luke jump.

'Haha very funny.'

'Wasn't supposed to be funny', Ashton answered and couldn't help himself but check Luke out who just wore boxers at the moment.

'Whatever. You could lend me some though', Luke said, completely oblivious to Ashton in fact checking him out.

'I could, yeah. Do I want to though?'

'Ashton', Luke whined and Ashton finally gave in, handing the boy a pair of swimming trunks that he had already brought.

'Thanks', Luke mumbled and Ashton left the bathroom, changing himself.

Only minutes later, the boys walked down to Ashton's pool.

'I'm still kind of jealous', Luke said as he looked at the huge pool infront of him.

'Not that you could get one yourself', Ashton answered, rolling his eyes at the other boy.  
Luke shoved him playfully.

'I could but then it wouldn't be special anymore', Luke answered as he put down his towel next to his friend's.

'Sure, that's the only reason you show up here, isn't it?'

'Exactly', Luke said and pushed Ashton into the water.

'Hey!'

'Hello', Luke answered with a cute smile and a wave.

'Hey!', Luke now screamed as Ashton pulled him into the pool aswell.

'Hello', the older boy mimicked his friend as he was back on the surface.  
Ashton grinned at Luke who couldn't help but smile wide himself.  
Those moments were the best after all.


	15. Fifteen.

Ashton and Luke had stayed in the pool the whole day, ordering food at some point.

'I love how pretty the sky looks tonight', Luke said as he leaned against the edge of the pool.

'Yeah', Ashton replied absently, trying to be less obvious at staring at Luke than the last few times.  
The older boy just couldn't focus on something as the sky when the obvious beauty of life was right beside him.

'Ash?'  
Luke looked at Ashton while biting his lip, making the drummer go crazy.

The addressed boy hummed in response.

'Why isn't it weird between us?'  
Ashton furrowed his eyebrows at that.

'What do you mean? Should it be?', he asked confused but Luke only sighed.

'Oh', Ashton said as he realized what Luke was talking about.

'Yeah.'

Minutes of silence followed and suddenly, the sky wasn't interesting at all anymore.

'I'm sorry', Ashton broke the silence. He felt the now too familiar feeling of guilt and hurt crawling up.

'For what?'

'For letting it happen.'

'I showed up at your house', Luke said.

'But you were drunk, I wasn't', Ashton replied and Luke went silent. The guitarist had pushed that fact aside the last few days and being confronted with it now was weird.

'I shouldn't have let that happen and I promise to keep it a secret. You were drunk, I get it. We all make mistakes', Ashton said.

'Why did you let it happen then? And please don't call it a mistake again.'

'That's a story for another day Lukey. Let's just leave it here for now please.'

'Yeah okay', Luke answered and pushed himself up, now only having his feet in the water.

'We should probably go inside', Ashton said as he notices that Luke had started shivering.

The guitarist nodded and stood up, gladly accepting the towel that Ashton put around his shoulders.  
The boys were quick to head inside, closing the door behind them.

'Are you in the mood for showering? Because I certainly am not', Luke said and laughed when Ashton yawned.

'Nah, let's worry about the chlorine tomorrow.'  
Luke nodded at that and went to their currently shared bedroom.  
Having lost all shame, he just stripped out of his swimming trunks and threw himself on the bed.

Ashton entered the bedroom shortly after and turned off the lights.  
The boy had changed into a pair of boxers and now crawled under the sheets aswell.

'Come cuddle', the older boy soon whined and spooned the blonde.  
Pulling his friend closer, he noticed the lack of fabric.  
Ashton's breath hitched and he slightly tensed.  
Why would Luke get into bed with him completely naked?

Trying to control his thoughts, he closed his eyes and tried to get a little space between his crotch and his love's bum.

'Don't go', Luke mumbled already half asleep and turned around, only to tangle their legs with each other.  
The naked boy wrapped his arms around Ashton and buried his face in the crook of his friend's neck.

'Fuck', Ashton whispered as quiet as he could, clearly feeling Luke's parts against his leg and his own getting harder.  
How was he supposed to survive the night?


	16. Sixteen.

No matter how hard Ashton tried to control his thoughts and to fall asleep, these two things just didn't go well together.  
And as if the situation wasn't already bad enough, Luke started to move against Ashton's leg, getting himself slowly worked up.

'Luke', Ashton silently whined, suppressing a moan while already harshly grabbing the sheets.  
Of course Luke didn't hear that and continued to roll his hips against his best friend's leg.

'Wake up, Luke', Ashton begged as he shook the boy's shoulders.  
Unfortunately, Luke didn't listen and Ashton now shook the boy a little harder.

'What?'

'Thank god', Ashton mumbled as Luke turned around, going back to sleep.  
Well, that's at least what Ashton thought but Luke was well aware of what just happened and he couldn't help but finding it hot.  
It might have been an accident but Luke actually liked the way he could make Ashton hard.

'Hey Sierra', Luke said as he picked up the phone the next morning.

Ashton couldn't hear what she was saying but he could imagine what they were talking about. Probably about how much they missed each other and what they would do the last week of our break.

Instead of eavesdropping on Luke, Ashton went with his brain and got under the shower.  
He desperately needed some space from the perfect boy if he wanted to survive the last hours with him.

'Ashy?'

'Yes?', Ashton yelled back, turning off the water so he could hear Luke's voice.

'Can we go to the cinema?'

'Sure.'  
Footsteps were heard and soon, Ashton could hear the door of the livingroom being opened.  
With that, Ashton turned the water back on and finished showering.

By the time he got out, Luke was already impatiently waiting.

'I picked one', Luke said and turned the display for Ashton to see.

'It?'  
The younger boy nodded eagerly.

'Well, alright but don't you need Sierra to hold your hand?', Ashton said in attempt to mock Luke.

'Nah, you're there so I'll be fine', Luke replied and smiled sweetly as if he knew what he did to his best friend.

'I'll shower now. It's already pretty late and the movie starts in two hours. We could go out after that or something?'  
Luke didn't wait for a reply and left the room to go shower.

'Yeah, sounds good', Ashton answered rather to himself.  
Maybe this would distract him from the event of last night.


	17. Seventeen.

'It's okay Lu, just take my hand. I know you're scared', Ashton whispered in his friend's ear who glady accepted the offer.

About thirty minutes later, the movie was over and Luke couldn't be happier about it.

'I will never ever sleep again', Luke mumbled.

'Oh come on. You picked it and it wasn't that bad.'

'It was', Luke just said and stood up, still holding Ashton's hand.

'Too scared to let go?', Ashton mocked Luke but the blonde boy didn't mind it.

'Definitely', he replied.  
Ashton shook his head laughing and made his way out of the cinema with Luke still holding his hand.

Minutes later, both boys sat in a van.

'What now?', Ashton asked.

'We could go out or something.', Luke said but sounded rather unconvinced himself.

'To be honest, I just want alcohol', Luke added.

'Or we go home and look for some there?'

'That sounds good and would sound even better if it would include cuddling', the boy with the voice of an angel said. Of course, Ashton would never say no to that which was why they now sat in Ashton's empty bathtub.

'Ginger Ale with brown sugar, limes and vodka was a great idea', Ashton said as he sipped on his third glass.

'I know, right? Jack, Ben and I used to drink that all the time when my mum's friends were over. They always brought their daughters, hoping that we would like them. Well, we didn't', Luke said while grinning like an idiot.

'Did they know?'

'No idea but it was great fun.'

'Sad that I never witnessed that', Ashton said as he finished his glass.

'What next? I'm down for something else but still sweet', the younger boy said.

'Mixture or shots?'

'Both', Luke answered without hesitation.

'Nuh uh', Ashton said, 'pick one, darling.'  
Luke picked shots and already ten minutes later, they had finished about seven shots each.

'Stand up', Ashton said and grinned as Luke obeyed.

'But w- ah I see. Yeah Ashy, thanks.'

'Now stand on one leg', the drummer continued and tried not to die of laughters when Luke actually did it.

'What about closing your eyes?'

'Nah.'

'Touching your nose with closed eyes?'

'Nah', Luke answered once again and sat down again, almost falling over.

'Guess I fell for you', he joked as Ashton caught him.

'Mhm, just like I fell for you.'  
Luke sat down inbetween his friend's legs, back resting against the older boy's chest who pressed a kiss to Luke's cheek.

'You're so cute.'


	18. Eighteen.

When the boys finally went to bed, it was already 2am but neither cared.  
In the end, this was their last night together before they would continue their tour.

Ashton was now just as drunk as Luke who had drank a lot more since their little test in the bathtub.

'Ashy?'  
Ashton hummed in response as he stripped out of his clothes.  
He wouldn't admit that he had trouble standing still and not falling over, while trying to get his skinny jeans off though.  
Not like Luke would notice anyway because the other boy was busy with stealing clothes out of Ashton's wardrobe.

'You know, yesterday night', Luke started while looking at himself in the mirror, wearing one of Ashton's flannels, 'that was hot.'

'Luke?'  
This time Luke was the one to hum in response.

'What do you mean?'  
Ashton now sat on his bed, looking at the wall with furrowed eyebrows.  
The boy was drunk, yes but he couldn't turn off his feelings for the blonde.

'I'm sure you noticed me being horny and almost getting off on your leg', Luke said as if it would be the most normal thing.

'I uhm.. I did. Thought you did that in your sleep', he admitted.

'At first, yeah.'  
Being speakless, Ashton didn't answer.  
Instead he just watched Luke, waiting for him to be done with going through his clothes.  
Luke thought it was hot.  
Did Luke thought that Ashton was hot?

'Cuddle!', Luke exclaimed as he jumped on top of Ashton who had, to be honest, not paid attention.

'Luke? At least turn the lights off.'  
With a groan, Luke got up, turned the lights off and fell onto the bed again, this time not scaring his friend.

Ashton pulled Luke closer and closed his eyes. Falling asleep was harder than he'd like it to be though.  
Thanks to Luke, Ashton now had more than enough naughty thoughts on his mind, feeling guilty.  
In the end, both boys had a girlfriend, right?

Luke on the other hand felt everything but guilty while thinking of what it would feel like, if Ashton would touch him in places that only girls had touched before.

The more Luke thought about it, the more turned on he got and soon had one of his hands in his boxers.  
He carefully travelled down his v-line, moving closer to his bum where he stopped.  
Both of his private parts were throbbing in need of some pleasure.

'Ash?', Luke asked silently, trying not to wake him up in case he already slept.

'Hm?'

'I.. are you okay with what I did yesterday?', he asked and if Ashton wouldn't be drunk himself, he wouldn't have reacted to his friend's heavily slurred words.

'Yes', he simply answered.

'And what if I'd tell you, I'm horny right now too?'

'Well, I would.. wait, are you?', Ashton asked and turned a bit further towards Luke.

'I am', Luke moaned slightly, feeling his bulge rub against Ashton.

'You are', the drummer repeated and put his hand on Luke's thigh.

'Fuck, Ash', the blonde moaned once again as his buldge was now completely pressed against Ashton's leg.

'This is definitely hotter than yesterday.'

'Sure?'

'100 percent', Luke said and covered his fingers with his saliva, before pushing one of them in his still throbbing hole.

'Fuck, are you touching yourself?', Ashton asked and pulled Luke even closer while the other boy moved his finger, quickly adding another one.

Before Luke could answer, Ashton pulled down their boxers, making their hard-on's brush against each other.  
Loud moans escaped their lips and Ashton pressed his lips on his love's.

The guitarist continued fingering himself while making out with his equally drunk best friend.  
The more heated their making out got, the more Luke was desperate for Ashton to touch him.

'Ash, please', he begged and added a third finger.

'You'll regret it', Ashton pointed out.

'You'll regret it too.'

'I won't.'

'Then I won't either', Luke shot back and that's the last thing that was said before Ashton grabbed a bottle of lube out of his drawer. He quickly covered his member in the clear liquid and turned them around so he hovered over Luke.

Luke grabbed Ashton's collar, pulling the boy into a kiss as the older boy slowly pushed into Luke.

The guitarist moaned in his friend's mouth, moving his hips up.  
Ashton was now filling Luke up completely and started to move slowly.

'Faster', the impatient blonde said and of course, Ashton obeyed.

His thrusts quickly became irregular which was why he started to stroke Luke's member.

'Fuck baby, I love you so freaking much', Ashton slurred between several moans.  
Luke cummed all over Ashton's hand, his best friend's words pushing him over the edge.

Luke's orgasm made Ashton cum aswell, filling Luke up once again.

When the boys had calmed down from their highs, Ashton pulled out and the cleaned themselves before putting on their boxers again.

They got in bed again and cuddled close, sharing small, sweet kisses.

'I love you Lu, I mean it.'


	19. Nineteen.

'Ouch, my head', Luke whined as he woke up the next morning.  
With a glance to Ashton, Luke decided to get up and not wake the sleeping beauty up.

'What the hell?', Luke mumbled to himself, suppressing a laughter as he saw the mess infront of Ashton's wardrobe. Luke was quick to blame himself since he had always loved going through his best friend's clothes.

The blonde quickly grabbed one of Ashton's hoodies, not bothering to get sweats since Ashton was just too short.

When he entered the kitchen, he made himself a tea and sat down on the big couch.  
After what felt like years, he turned on his phone and checked his notifications.

There were a few messages of Sierra and two from Calum and Michael.  
Sierra was asking when he would come home today and that she misses and loves him. He replied saying that he didn't know yet but that he misses and loves her too.

Calum and Michael on the other hand had sent him a link of an article.  
When he clicked on it and read the heading, he had to do it twice.

Luke Hemmings and Ashton Irwin spotted holding hands. Are the two members of the australian boyband '5 Seconds of Summer' dating?

Luke didn't bother to read the article but he was indeed hurt that people assumed that he would cheat on Sierra or Ashton on Kaitlin.

By the time that Ashton got up, Sierra had already called and the article was long forgotten.

'Good morning', Luke said and smiled brightly at the other boy.

'Morning', Ashton replied and went to the kitchen counter, getting painkillers.  
Luke was feeling a lot better because he had already taken painkillers an hour ago.

'I really want to have breakfast but I really don't want to make any', Ashton whined as he let himself fall onto the couch.

'I'll make you some. My pills are already kicking', Luke said and got up.

'Just.. cereal. Nothing too fancy', the drummer said and Luke nodded.

Only minutes later, Luke returned with two bowl's, handing one to Ashton.

'Sierra called', Luke said after a few minutes of silent eating.

'Oh.. right. Last day, huh', Ashton said and tried to hide his disappointment.

'Yeah.. she asked me to come home early but I told her that I would see her tonight', Luke said. He wanted to spent as much of the day as he could, even though he missed Sierra.

'That's sweet Lu but you don't have to stay even longer. The bruises are gone and I know you miss her.'

'I do but I feel like our friendship needed these days spent together.'  
Ashton nodded and smiled sadly at that. Just the thought that Luke would go back home to Sierra and that Kaitlin would eventually return made him want to cry again.

'Oh, mate. I feel horrible for not even noticing that Kaitlin wasn't here. Where is she?', Luke asked suddenly.

'At home. She missed her family', Ashton only said without even a hint of him missing her because honestly, he didn't.

'Are you guys okay?'

'Yeah, just the usual arguments', Ashton said and stood up, putting his now empty bowl away. Luke followed and hugged Ashton from behind.

'I know something is wrong. What is it?'  
Ashton turned in Luke's arms and buried his face in his own hoodie that Luke wore.

'I don't know', Ashton lied and closed his eyes. He wanted this hug to last forever.

'Ash, please. You guys have been fighting for months and I don't think you're happy anymore', Luke said and when he stopped speaking, he could hear Ashton sniffle.

'No. I'm not happy with her anymore.'

'Do you love her?'

'Yeah, I think so?', Ashton said but it was more of a question. Luke was definitely not convinced.

'Ash, you don't have to lie and play pretend', Luke tried once more and something inside of Ashton just broke.  
It might be his confusion with Kaitlin or his feelings for Luke, he didn't know but what he knew was that he was incredibly thankful for Luke being here right now.

'I don't love her, no. She makes everything feel like living hell and I hate it so much', Ashton cried out and Luke held the boy even closer.

'Shh, it's fine. I'm here and we'll figure this out together, okay?'  
The drummer nodded, still hiding in the fabric of his own hoodie that Luke had stolen.


	20. Twenty.

Faster than the two boys liked it, the day was almost over and they hadn't done much.

After Kaitlin had called in the afternoon to say that she would be back in three days, Ashton had started crying again.

'You have to talk to her. This can't continue like this', Luke said and rubbed his best friend's back in order to comfort him.

'I want to, I really do but everytime I go and want to try, I just can't do it.'  
The older boy only sobbed harder.

'Fuck, Ash. You really don't deserve this.'

'Well obviously I do, because otherwise I wouldn't be in this situation', Ashton whispered, trying to calm down. He was embarrassed that he was crying in front of Luke, his love, once again. Luke must think that he was weak and pathetic.

'You don't! You deserve someone who loves and values you for who you are. If you cry from only thinking of her, then she's not the one. You need to break up', Luke now exclaimed, making Ashton flinch slightly.

'I'm sorry Ash.. I just don't get why someone would treat you like that.'  
The drummer immediately forgave the blonde for his little outburst.  
In the end, Ashton couldn't be mad at Luke anyway, because the boy had a point.  
He had to break up with Kaitlin.

When it was unfortunately time to leave for Luke, the boys couldn't stop hugging. The last days had made them grow closer than ever, even if they couldn't remember most of it.  
Maybe that was for the best, because in the end, Ashton loved Luke but Luke loved Sierra.

'Only a week and then we'll be on tour again.'

'Without girls this time?'  
Ashton wanted to slap himself for that question but once he said it, he couldn't take it back.

'Without Kaitlin for sure', Luke just answered and hugged Ashton one more time. The drummer watched his love walk down the path from his front door to the van, in which he disappeared.

With a sigh, Ashton turned around and walked inside again.

'And here goes nothing', he mumbled.

Luke was pretty excited to say the least. Yes, he enjoyed the time with Ashton and would miss him in the next few days but he had missed Sierra.

'Lukey baby!', Sierra yelled as she saw Luke entering their house.

'I missed you so, so much', they both said and kissed.

Only minutes later, they layed cuddled up in their bed.  
Before anything could happen though, Sierra stopped.

'Uhm, Luke?'

'Yes?', the blonde answered, confused as to why his girlfriend had stopped.

'You.. why's there a hickey on your neck?'

'A what?', Luke asked confused and sat up.

'A hickey, right there', Sierra said, pointing at it, 'it's not from me, that's for sure.'  
His face full of confusion, he stood up and walked into the bathroom.

'They had faded..', Luke whispered, making sure that Sierra couldn't hear anything. Fortunately just in time, because only seconds later, the girl entered the room. She was fully clothed again, her hair up in a pony tail and her arms crossed.

'See? It's not from me and that leaves me wondering, were you really just with Ashton?'

'Yes, yes I promise. I swear, I was just with Ash the whole time', Luke rambled as he still looked at the bruise on his neck.  
Why didn't it fade?

'As much as I hate myself for asking this', Sierra started and Luke already new exactly what she would ask.

'No, we don't. Maybe it was a joke?'

'Luke, let me finish', she demanded.

'Sorry.'

'Are you sure that nothing happened between you two? You're close, everyone knows that.'

'Yeah I am', Luke lied, 'I don't know why it's there.'  
At least the last sentence wasn't a complete lie. He knew why it was there but he didn't knew why it was still there.

As much as he wanted to enjoy the night with Sierra, he kept drifting off.  
He couldn't get rid of the weird feeling in the pitch of his stomach and focusing on his girlfriend had never been harder.

'Luke? Luke!', Sierra snapped the blonde out of his thoughts.

'You're so rough', she whined.  
The guitarist quickly apologized and softened his movements, distracting Sierra with kisses.  
The girl smiled at that and melted into the kiss.

When they layed in bed, Sierra noticed her boyfriend's painted nails while she played with his hands.

'Since when do you paint your nails?', she asked curiously.

'I uhm.. few days.. don't you like it? I can take it off', Luke said, suddenly becoming really insecure about the nails.

'No, no. I actually like it. You're changing your style a little, do you?'

'Yeah, I thought it might be nice', he replied and Sierra nodded.

'It is.'


	21. Twenty-One.

Ashton had tried to stay positive about his growing feelings for Luke and the shrinking ones for his actual girlfriend.

He had a few more hours before Kaitlin would eventually return and he decided it would be for the best if he'd go for a run.

He quickly changed and left his house, starting to run his usual round.  
Time passed and he was almost done, when he noticed that he had been a lot faster than normally.   
The anger inside of him must've been the cause of this and he decided that he would stretch first, then take his sweet time on the way back home.

After another twenty minutes, he started walking back, thinking about how to approach the topic 'breaking up'. Should he just go straight forward or should he first greet her and play along a bit?

When he finally got home and hopped under the shower, he still didn't know what to do. A part of him was hoping that Kaitlin wouldn't show up in the first place but that was just unrealistic. Maybe she would break up with him and just leave? He wouldn't be the bad guy in the story then. 

Taking a look at the time, he quickly rinsed off the shampoo and turned of the water, drying himself with a towel before stepping out of the shower and dressing himself.

Just in time, because the door opened when he put on his hoodie.  
With a last sigh, he walked down the stairs, ready to face his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

'Hey', he said and Kaitlin just nodded at him.

'We need to talk', she then said at the same time as Ashton, which made him feel hopefull. Maybe Kaitlin would really break up with him.

'Yeah, we do', Ashton said and sat down on the couch, Kaitlin doing the same.

'Look, I've been gone now for a little more than a week and it was enough for me to realize something.'

'Yes, I've been thinking too and I think it would be for the best if we'd break up', Ashton just blurted out.

'What?', Kaitlin asked shocked, 'I wanted to say that I think we should give our relationship another shot and that I realized that I've overreacted with the whole Luke thing.'

'Oh', the drummer smartly said, but at least he said what he wanted to say.

'Yes, oh. I guess I haven't overreacted then', Kaitlin said and stood up.

Ashton didn't stop her as she got her things out of their drawer.  
Ashton didn't stop her as she got the small things, laying around the house that belonged to her.  
Ashton didn't stop her as she grabbed her suitcase and he didn't stop her as she left.


	22. Twenty-Two.

'Crystal?', a small voice asked as the lilac haired girl picked up the phone.

'Hey Ash, are you okay?'

'I don't know.. I broke up with Kaitlin and.. I think Luke and I had something just a few days before', he explained, making Crystal furrow her eyebrows.

'What do you mean, you think and why did you two see each other?'

'Luke showed up at my house one night and he was really drunk. Things just got a little out of hand..'  
Crystal took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose before speaking.

'For god's sake, Ashton. Did you.. you know, sleep with each other?'

'No, no. I stopped Luke. He wanted it and pushed but I couldn't do it..'

'That's good Ash, that's good. Did anything else happen?'

'Uhm.. I'm not sure. We went out one night and we were both drunk but we woke up fully clothed and stuff. That was probably a dream', Ashton said and Crystal nodded, even though the honey blonde couldn't see that.

'Alright, I see. That was the night, where this article about you two holding hands appeared, huh?'

'Yeah.'

That phone call was now four days in the past and it was a sunday night.  
Ashton couldn't sleep and kept thinking about the days he spent with his love together.

He had now two hours left before he would be driven to the airport.  
Their flight would go at 2:30 am and Ashton couldn't tell if what he felt was excitement or something else, rather negative.

Before he could think more, his phone starting to buzz, saved him from doing so.

'Hello?'

'Hey Ash. I'm just calling to say that you'll be picked up at 1 am already. There were some issues with our seats and they need us to be there earlier', Calum said, making Ashton groan.

'Not that I slept or anything but that's in twenty minutes and I really am not ready', Ashton whined and got up.

'Stop complaining. I know you love touring', the other boy replied and soon, the phone call was over.

Ashton had now fifteen minutes left to get his suitcase packed.

Knowing that their team had the things they wore on stage mostly there, he threw in jeans, shorts, boxers, shirts, hoodies, socks and his hygiene products like shower gel, toothbrush and stuff.

Checking his appearence once more in the mirror, he put on another hoodie, this time a red one and got a beanie to cover the mess that was his hair.

Five minutes later, he got picked by one of their bodyguards.  
Not being surprised of being greeted by Luke in the van, he said hello and got in.  
Luke was the one living the closest to Ashton which was why they were always picked up together.

'Ash?'

'Yeah?'

'You said that make up would look okay on me too, right?'  
Ashton had to smile at the boy being so unsure.

'It would look great on you Lukey', Ashton corrected the blonde who immediately started to blush at the hidden compliment.

'Thanks.. well, Sierra and I looked up a few things and I asked the management if I could try out a bit and they said yes.'

'Aww, that's great', Ashton said with a wide range of emotions.  
He was proud of Luke but he wanted to be the one who goes through those things with Luke, not Sierra.

'And you don't think that it would be too girly?'

'No Luke. Make-up can be manly too and you'll make it work, I'm sure', Ashton replied. Before Luke could respond, they arrived at the airport.

'Where is Sierra anyway?', Ashton asked as they walked into the back of the airport. There were not that many fans waiting for them but they sadly had no time to talk to them.  
The boys loved interacting with them and making them happy with photos and autographs. Sadly, they couldn't do that often.

'She wanted to stay home. Our friend can't look after Petunia anymore and we don't want her to be alone or having her get used to different surroundings again', Luke explained and Ashton nodded.

'What about Kaitlin? Did you do it?'

'Yeah. I broke up with her the day she came back', Ashton admitted and was thrown off guard when Luke hugged him.

'I'm glad you did. We'll find someone better for you and for now', Luke said and held Ashton on his shoulders on arm length, 'I'm here for you like always.'  
The butterflies in Ashton's stomach liked what Luke said and started to fly around in excitement. His cheeks gave away his admiration too, because they turned red and hot.

'Oh, don't be ashamed of me', Luke joked and put an arm around his friend's shoulders.  
They walked the rest of the way towards their gate and were soon met by Michael, Crystal and Calum.

They all greeted each other with hugs and started to chat about the past three weeks. Luke and Ashton were rather quiet during that but no one seemed to notice except for Crystal.  
The girl with the colourful hair didn't say anything though.

'Luke! Did you hear that? Our Cal-Pal finally met someone', Michael's voice snapped the blonde out of his thoughts.

'Really? Sorry, I'm too tired', Luke apologized and leaned forward.

'Yeah, she's great. I met her in the first week already and we spent a good amount of the break together', Calum told his friends.

'What is she like?'

'Oh, you'll like her too. She's very kind, funny, caring and she loves Duke.'

'Who doesn't?', Crystal asked, making everyone laugh.

'Got a picture?', Luke asked curiously, wanting to know what the mysterious girl looked like.

'No but I can describe her. She has short hair, like really short. Pixie cut short and she dyes it just as often as Mike. It'a currently a light blue and it matches her blue eyes so well.'  
It was obvious that Calum had fallen for the girl already and everyone was equally excited to meet her.

'Ah, guys. Before we meet.. uh.. what's her name?'

'Aarany', Calum quickly replied.

'Alright, what a unique name. Before we meet Aarany, I wanted to say that I broke up with Kaitlin.'

'Finally', Michael blurted out and earned a kick from Luke.

'Sorry, but no one really liked her. She was always so negative', Michael explained himself and received a few 'yes' and 'I agree'.

'Yeah, I know. I'm glad, she's out of the picture now.'


	23. Twenty-Three.

The flight went without further problems after the already existing ones were solved.

The boys and Crystal had continued talking about the break and soon landed in the first city of their tour.

When they arrived at the hotel, it was already 9 am and everyone immediately went to bed.

While Crystal, Michael and Calum were sound asleep, Luke and Ashton had their troubles.

Ashton still couldn't stop thinking about the blonde boy who on the other hand just didn't like being alone in hotel rooms.

'Should I?', Luke questioned himself as he walked up and down his room.  
Usually he would just go to Ashton without thinking twice but he didn't want the drummer to think, that he was clingy. 

Another five minutes passed and Luke decided to just text his friend and see whether he was awake or not.

Almost immediately, he received an answer, saying that Ashton was awake and asking if something was wrong.

'Tired but can't sleep. A little confused maybe', he told the drummer and sat down on the white sheets of the bed.

'Coming', Ashton replied which made Luke smile. It was great to know that his friend was always there for him.

Since their rooms were pretty close, Ashton soon knocked.  
Luke got up and opened the door, revealing a tired looking Ashton.

'Hey', he mumbled but Luke just pulled him into a hug, closing the door behind them.

'What's wrong Lu?'

'Nothing, I'm just thankful that you're here', Luke whispered, still hugging him. Ashton wrapped his arms around his love and held the boy close, enjoying the embrace.

'You know how much you mean to me, right?', Ashton suddenly asked but Luke didn't seem fazed by the question.

'I think I do', he answered truthfully and let go of the boy, grabbing his hand and guiding him towards the huge bed.

'Cuddle?'

'Cuddle', Ashton answered and caressed Luke's cheek.

'I wish you knew how beautiful you are', the older boy said, making Luke blush. They both laid down, facing each other.

'I wish you knew how amazing you are', Luke now said and put his hand on Ashton's.

'I have to tell you something.'

'You can tell me everything', Luke said and scooted a little closer.

'Would you mind if I wouldn't only like girls?'

'No, not at all. Why should I mind?'  
Ashton looked at Luke with surprise. He knew that Luke was very accepting and open minded but he didn't seem surpised or anything that Ashton liked boys too.

'God, you're perfect, babycakes', the older boy mumbled and pulled Luke close, wrapping his arms around the boy and resting his chin on the guitarist's head. Luke giggled at that and hugged his best friend back, closing his eyes at the same time.

Soon, Ashton could hear soft snores coming from Luke and he couldn't help but smile and wish that it would be like that every night.   
Maybe he could have Luke close at least at night, while they were on tour.

'I love you babycakes. I wish I could tell you that every morning and every night. I wish you'd be mine', Ashton whispered.

Loud knocks on the door woke the boys up, hours later.  
Ashton stood up to open the door, letting Luke cuddle one of the pillows a little longer.

'Yes?'

'I'm looking for Luke. Is he here?', the girl asked. She was one of their new stylists, who Ashton didn't knew that well yet.

'Yes he is', Ashton answered and turned around to face the bed 

'Luke? Come here please.'  
Groans were heard and soon, a very sleepy but happy looking Luke clinged onto Ashton again.

'Good Morning. I need you to come with me because we need to talk about the make up that we planned on doing tonight', the girl explained and the guitarist's eyes lit up in excitement.

'Oh yeah, awesome. I'll be out in a minute', he said and disappeared in the bathroom.

'You can come in and sit down if you want to. I'm not sure how long he'll really take, but probably longer than a minute', Ashton said and the girl nodded with a smile forming on her lips.

'What's your name again?'

'Catharine', she answered and sat down on one of the four chairs that surrounded a wooden table.

'A pretty name. One of my childhood friend's was named Catharine', Ashton said, thinking back to his childhood when he used to play outside with his friends the whole day.

Catharine thanked Ashton and shyly looked at her feet. It was obvious that she didn't expect to be alone with one of the guys that soon.

'You're doing make up then?'

'Yeah and a little bit hair. More of a backup really', she answered and Ashton nodded interested.

'What are you planning on doing for Luke's make up?'  
Before Catharine could answer, Luke barged into the room, silencing the girl.

'Shhh, you're not allowed to know yet. Wait and be surprised', the tall boy said and left the room with Catharine.

'Great. All alone and probably soon very bored', Ashton groaned and let himself fall on the bed.  
The boy with the slightly curled hair thought about what he had admitted to Luke the night before.  
His reaction had only further proved, that he was just perfect and Ashton hated it. Couldn't that boy have at least one flaw? Just one single trait that wasn't completely amazing.

Maybe chewing loudly or something?  
But no, he even looked like a god while he was eating and Ashton could not explain how that was even possible.

Now that Luke wore his hair longer, wore make up and nail polish, Ashton just fell for him more and more.  
The more Luke became his true self, the more lovable he got.  
It was just horrible.

If Luke just wouldn't be straight and by any chance like drummers called Ashton.


	24. Twenty-Four.

Ashton never thought that a smile, makeup and good manners would be the death of him, but it surely felt like it when he ran against a more than stable door, because said things distracted him.

That lead him to the situation he was currently in and what could he say?  
At least he got something out of it besides a bleeding nose and a badly stubbed toe, probably broken.

'Are you feeling a little better? Your head must hurt so bad..', Luke said as he looked at the boy who had his head rested on Luke's lap.

'It's fine Lu', Ashton reassured his worried friend and the cause of his emotional and now even physical pain. Has he looked at himself after they put the make up on? It could not possibly get any worse for Ashton at this point, to be honest.

'You should rest. Sound check will be okay without you for once too.'

'Sure about that? Think about Michael and Calum, they're absolute idiots.'

'Crystal will help me, right?', Luke said and turned around for the last part.

'Right', Crystal, who leaned against the doorframe with a smile plastered on her face, answered.

'But Luke's right. You should rest a little and maybe take something for the pain', she said and Ashton rolled his eyes.

'Sure mom. It's really not that bad, I'll be fine', Ashton mocked Michael's girlfriend and got a stucked out tongue in return.

'Hey! Lulu, she stuck out her tongue at me', the drummer whined but Luke only shook his head with a laugh while running his fingers through his friend's luscious locks.

'Well deserved.'

About three hours later, Ashton joined the boys backstage.

'Where's the lovesick puppy?', Michael asked with a laugh as he walked into the room.

'What?', Ashton asked confused as he realized that Mike was talking about him.

'You don't have to hide your undying love for Luke', Michael explained and sat down next to Crystal who tried to desperately show Ashton, that she had no idea why Michael knew.

'What are you talking about?', Ashton asked, trying to be as oblivious as possible. As long as he didn't confirm anything, it wasn't true.

'Well, why else would you run against a door at the sight of Luke?'

'I just got a little carried away, okay?'  
Michael held up his hands in defend at that.

'Chill mate. No need to be butthurt. I was just joking', he said and for Ashton's favor, they changed topic after that.

Ashton couldn't concentrate on their conversation anymore. The shock from before was too present still.

When they were one after another called to their touch up, Crystal went with Ashton.  
As soon as the boys were far away enough, she started rambling.

'I'm so sorry Ash but I'm 100 percent sure that I didn't let anything slip. I have no idea why Michael said that but I swear I didn't tell him or anyone', she said and Ashton smiled at her.

'It's fine Crystal. I think he really was just joking. I shouldn't be so surprised at comments like this', he said and sat down on a chair.

In a matter of minutes, he could leave again and they soon went on stage.

Ashton smiled at the sight of the huge crowd cheering, clapping and singing along to their songs that they knew by heart.

The drummer gave his best behind his drum kit and felt better than ever.  
Forgetting about his feelings for the blonde that performed perfectly along with their two best friend, this night became one of his favourites.

Unfortunately, every show had to end and when they sat in the van, on their way back to the hotel to get some rest, he still felt the adrenaline rush of performing infront of thousand of people.

'Can I sleep at yours?', a timid voice asked behind Ashton as he walked down the hallway.

'Sure', he answered and waited for Luke to catch up.

'Just wanna make sure that you're good. You know, because of your accident earlier', Luke explained while Ashton opened the door.

'Of course because of that.'  
Ashton grinned and turned towards a giggling Luke.

'What other reason would I have?'

'Not because I give the best cuddles, huh?', Ashton asked and picked up still giggling Luke.

'No, never', Luke said and giggled like crazy when Ashton blew kisses on his exposed neck, like he always did, when he wanted to tickle him.

'Stop Ashy! I can't breathe', he laughed, making Ashton only grinned but continued.  
To free his hands, he walked towards the bed and let them fall onto it.

Luke decided enough was enough and turned them around, now hovering on top of Ashton and pinning his hands down over his head.

'Let me catch my breath', he still laughed and looked at his friend under him who still had a huge grin on his lips.

'Stop grinning so dirty.'

'Nope', Ashton answered and plopped the 'p'.  
Luke only huffed and continued trying to catch his breath.  
What a day.


	25. Twenty-Five.

A week passed and Luke and Ashton continued to sleep in each others rooms at night. Except for when they were in the tourbus of course, because that's how they would travel for the next concerts.

Right now, Luke was on the phone with Sierra and Ashton was more than annoyed with the couple.  
If he would've taken a shot for every time they had said that they missed or loved each other, he would've already been in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning.

Being the polite he friend he was though, he kept a straight face.  
During the whole thing, he pretended to not be bothered by their absolute perfect relationship.

'Bye baby, I love you so so much', Luke said and then finally, he hung up.  
Who would've thought thay they'd ever stop?

'God, never thought I'd miss her that much after only four concerts', Luke said with a sigh, putting his phone on the table. The drummer internally rolled his eyes but smiled at Luke.

'You'll be fine. You just love her and it's normal that you miss her that quick.' When Ashton finished his sentence, he wanted to slap himself. Why did he say that, when he knew that the answer would only hurt him?

'Yeah, I do. Thanks Ash. I don't know what I would do without you', the guitarist said.

And that's how most of their conversations went.  
Ashton even started to think that it was good that they were in the tourbus and couldn't sleep in one room or rather one bed together.  
It would cause more problems anyway and maybe, just maybe, he could forget what it felt like to hold Luke or wake up next to him.

'Hey.'

'Hey', Ashton answered, looking up.  
He sat on one of the couches that were backstage and now looked at Luke who leaned against the doorframe.

'Uhm I was thinking, we could maybe.. I don't know.. go out tonight or something?'

'Why not? Do the others know?'

'I thought.. maybe just the two of us', Luke explained with a nervous smile on his lips.

'Oh.. well okay? Where do you wanna go then?', Ashton asked and watched the blonde bite is lip.

'I heard of a club nearby.'

'Alright. I trust you. So I'll just get ready and you pick me up. At eight?'

'Uhm yeah.. yes. See you at eight', Luke answered and left.

'Ah, Luke?', Ashton asked and stood up, following the blonde, 'wait up. We're in the same van and bus.'

'Right', he answered and blushed.  
Ashton furrowed his eyebrows at Luke's strange behaviour. Did Crystal really not let anything slip or was Ashton being too obvious?  
He decided to just shrug it off and see what would happen later.  
Maybe it had something to do with the plans that Luke had?

And how right Ashton was.  
Turned out that Luke chose a gay club and was acting all weird about it the whole day.

'You know that you don't have to do this, right?'

'What?'

'That whole 'I'm okay with you' and go into that club to show me that you don't mind it thing.'  
Luke now turned even redder as before, making Ashton sigh.

'Come on, let's go back', Ashton said and wanted to turn around when Luke stopped him.

'No. Partying is partying and I've been to clubs like this', Luke said and pulled Ashton a little closer.

'You have? Why?'

'Sierra prefers those clubs', he answered and once again, Ashton wanted to slap himself for asking.  
Of course it had to do something with Sierra.

'What if we're seen? You told the bodyguards to stay in the van and we'll get in trouble if there's another article about u-', Ashton started rambling but was shushed by Luke.

'We'll be fine. Stop overthinking and just move your pretty ass in there.'

'Did you just call my ass pretty?', Ashton asked with a huge grin while he was shoved towards the entrance of the club.

'No', Luke quickly denied and hoped that the music was loud enough for his friend to shut up.

'You did! You said your pretty ass', Ashton said as he wiggled his eyebrows at him.

'Sure, whatever. Just go in now.'

'Just admit it Lu', Ashton pushed but started pouting when he got an answer.

'I said you are a pretty ass', Luke said, adding, 'hole.'

'You're mean but at least you're right at the you're pretty thing.'

'Leaving the asshole part uncommented?'

'Feel lucky that I do', Ashton answered and crossed his arms playfully.  
He loved joking around with Luke and he knew that the blonde loved it too.

Once they were in the club, Luke just disappeared.  
Trying to not be too bothered about the blonde leaving him alone that quick, Ashton ordered himself a drink, then another one.

While he drowned his loneliness in cocktails, his eyes were darted on one person.  
The boy was dancing with a few other people and really knew how to move.  
He was wearing white skinny jeans that had several rips in them and a white, very tight shirt that was covered by a yellow, opened flannel.  
He was very beautiful, the way he had his obviously dyed red hair styled in a quiff.

'Sorry that I left you alone so quick. I really had to go to the bathroom', Luke apologized as he sat down next to Ashton.

'Nah, it's fine', Ashton answered and turned back to where the boy had been dancing. Yeah, had because now he was no where to be seen.

'Did I interrupt something..?', Luke questioned, shifting uncomfortably.

'No, no', the drummer quickly said with a smile, 'wearing lip gloss again?'  
Luke nodded at that and blushed a little. The boy still hadn't got used to being able to wear it without being constantly judged.

'New one?'

'No, the watermelon one', Luke answered and Ashton really tried to not let the night in the hallway haunt him again.

'I like it', he just said, remembering that those were his exact words that night.

'So do I', Luke answered and Ashton let out a heavy breath, he didn't know he was holding when Luke didn't answer with 'I like it too'.


	26. Twenty-Six.

The night was still young and the boys were now swaying to the music on the dance floor.

A few guys had tried to hit on Luke but he had only answered with 'sorry, I'm taken' which made them leave while glaring at Ashton.  
The drummer liked that everyone thought that Luke was his and didn't bother to correct anyone, especially since Luke didn't seem to care either.

'Hey!', a voice said from behind Ashton who now turned around, only to look at the boy from earlier.

'Hey', Ashton answered and bit his lip. The boy really was very attractive.

'Is he your boyfriend?', the boy asked Ashton and pointed at Luke.

'No, he has a girlfriend', he said with a sigh, pinning his eyes at the floor.

'Aye, I know that face. Let's drink something, yeah?'

'Sure', Ashton answered and told Luke where he was going before following the red haired boy.

'My name is Ashton, by the way.'

'Lucas but my friends call me Luke', Lucas answered and smiled brightly at Ashton.

'Ha that's funny', Ashton said and looked at Luke.

'Please don't tell me his name is Lucas or Luke', Lucas asked but already knew the answer.

'It's Luke actually', Ashton now confirmed and Lucas laughed.

'Let's do Lucas then for now, shall we?'

'Yes please', the drummer said and took a sip of his drink that he had ordered minutes ago.

Another hour into the night and Lucas and Ashton got along very well.  
It might have been the fact that Luke still hadn't checked on him but Ashton flirted shamelessly.

'You have very pretty eyes, has anyone ever told you that?'

'Not seductively, like you did', Lucas answered.

'Well, they are. I've never seen so dark brown eyes', he added, making Lucas blush.

'Thank you.'

'You're very welcome.'

The flirting between the two continued and they eventually exchanged numbers before Lucas had to leave.  
As soon as the seat next to Ashton was free, Luke sat down next to him.

'Hey, who was that?'

'Just met him', Ashton replied and Luke decided to just leave it at that, which caused the drummer to be a little disappointed. He had hoped that Luke would show some kind of jealousy or at least a little more interest.

Luke wasn't even clingy like he normally was when he'd drank alcohol, which was also something that disappointed Ashton.  
What was the point in getting drunk, when there wasn't anything interesting happening, that you could think of the next morning?

'Let's go home, yeah?', Luke suddenly spoke up, making the other boy furrow his eyebrows.

'Already?'

'Yeah, I'm not in the mood for partying anymore', Luke answered and got up. Ashton had trouble catching up with the blonde boy but succeeded in the end.  
No one said anything and you could clearly see the confusion in Ashton's face as he followed Luke into the van.  
His look of confusion didn't change throughout the car drive or when they got back to the bus but Ashton wanted to change that.

'Hey, wait', Ashton said as he held Luke back on his wrist.  
The others were already sleeping in the bus which left Luke and Ashton alone outside.

'I'm tired Ashton, please', the blonde boy begged, hoping that Ashton would let him go. The alcohol had only started to show it's effects and cloud his senses.

'No, Luke. Please talk to me. What's wrong?'

'Nothing's wrong', the boy whined, trying to fight against Ashton's firm grip.

'Well, something has to be wrong because you won't even look at me. Is it because I talked to that boy? If you're not okay with me liking boys, then please tell me.'  
Luke now turned around, the guilt clearly visible in his eyes.

'No, oh god no. I'm totally okay with you liking whoever you want, Ash', he said and stepped a little closer to the drummer.

'Then what is it?'

'Do you know that thing when you feel weird?'

'Drunk?', Ashton asked, changing from hurt puppy to his giggly self.

'Yeah, that. But like, when you feel the need to do things when you're drunk?'

'What are you trying to tell me, Luke?'

'I love Sierra', Luke stated, taking a deep breath, 'but why can't I be with you?'

'Luke, you're talking absolute none sense', Ashton whispered. Why had Luke to say stuff like that when he was drunk? He preferred the clingy Luke who didn't talk about having feelings when being drunk.

'I'm not, I swear I'm not. It makes so much sense', Luke said, running his fingers through his messy hair.

'It doesn't', Ashton mumbled and stumbled back when Luke came closer. Soon, his back hit the bus but Luke still came closer.

'What are you doing?'

'I don't know Ash', Luke said and did what Ashton had feared.  
He kissed him and Ashton responded.  
Why had this to feel so right when it was so wrong?  
Luke was cheating on Sierra and Ashton didn't stop him.  
Why didn't he stop him?

The kiss turned sloppy and the guitarist's hands wandered under his friend's clothes but Ashton didn't stop him.

The sloppy kiss turned into a heated make out session, moans escaping the boys lips. When they broke apart and Luke started to kiss down his best friend's neck, Ashton knew this had to stop.

'Luke, stop', he said but the boy didn't listen.

'I said stop Luke', Ashton repeated himself, raising his voice a little and it worked. Luke brought distance between their faces and looked confused at Ashton with his gorgeous blue eyes, that made the drummer melt every so often.

'You have a girlfriend, Luke this is wrong.'

'Why?'  
As drunk as Ashton himself was, he couldn't understand why Luke was always so oblivious to everything, as soon as there was alcohol involved.  
He couldn't really possibly think that what they were doing was okay.

'Because you are cheating on her and you'll regret it in the morning. Well, at least if someone can remember this..', Ashton mumbled, noticing the slur in his words was getting worse.

'I won't regret it Ashy. Why would I?'

'Let's go to bed and talk about it tomorrow. If you still want it tomorrow, then it is real. If you don't, then that's fine too. I won't take advantage of your situation. You're drunk, I'm very tipsy and we'll go to bed now.'  
Defeated, Luke nodded but insisted on holding hands on their way into the bus. Ashton gave in and hoped that Luke wouldn't remember what happened, even though one part of Ashton maybe do wanted to know what he'd do or say.  
He didn't exactly regret the first time and everything went back to normal.  
Why shouldn't it be like that this time around too?


	27. Twenty-Seven.

What happened the next day was almost everything Ashton had not wanted to happen.  
Not that Luke remembered and regretted the night before, no.  
Kaitlin had decided to make herself present again and called Ashton multiple times, begging for another chance until the boy had blocked her.

'It's okay. She's gone now and won't bother you anymore', Luke said, holding Ashton close as he silently cried into Luke's shirt.

'What if she won't leave me alone?'

'Shh, don't say that. I'm here to stop her if necessary, okay? I'm here for you, don't worry', the blonde whispered. It hurt him to see his best friend so shattered but he couldn't explain why it was bringing him down that badly. Even if Kaitlin had made his life a living hell, she was gone now and couldn't even call or text him anymore.

'Yeah', Ashton replied, tears still running down his face and onto the thin fabric of Luke's shirt.  
Ashton felt as if his world was ending. Images from the night before had haunted him in his dreams and he couldn't seperate reality and dream anymore. When Kaitlin called, everything only got worse and now, the drummer couldn't tell what he was feeling anymore.  
Relieve, hurt, love or jealousy?

'Thank you but you don't have to stay in here the whole time', Ashton said, looking up for the first time.

'Don't be ridiculous Ashy. I'll stay with you until you feel better. Also, we're in a bus. Can't really go that far, can I?'  
Luke's slight attempt to joke made Ashton giggle and cuddling with Luke was the best medicine anyway.

The boys spend the last hours of the bus drive cuddled up in Ashton's bunk bed, falling asleep at one point.

'Aww, take a photo.'

'Quick, before they wake up.'

'Move, I'll do it.'

A click sound was heard and Luke opened his eyes, confused by the flash that blinded him.

'What are you doing?', he asked, carefully rubbing his eyes, not wanting to wake up Ashton.  
The boy looked exhausted and fragile, being so curled up to Luke.

'Nothing', Crystal said, smiling innocently.

'Just checking whether you're both okay', Michael said, supporting his girlfriend's obvious lie.  
Luke also had already looked through their lies and raised an eyebrow.

'Sure, whatever. I'm happy that Ashton is asleep now, so let's keep it that way please', Luke said and the others nodded, leaving them alone again.

Luke let out a heavy sigh. His friend's condition also weighed on him, especially since he didn't know how to help him get better.

'Poor thing', he mumbled, combing through Ashton's hair with his fingers.  
The longer he looked at Ashton, the more confused he got.  
He just couldn't put his finger on why Ashton was acting the way he was.

'Lu?', Ashton suddenly mumbled and his eyes fluttered open.

'I'm here', Luke replied and smiled as Ashton pulled him closer.

'Yeah', Ashton whispered as he watched Luke put his head on Ashton's chest. The honey blonde boy smiled and wrapped his arms around Luke who sighed happily.


	28. Twenty-Eight.

The next time the boys went on stage, pretty much everything was back to normal. Luke perfomed like he usually did, fooling around with everyone and Ashton chose to hold back a little. He decided that it was the best if he wouldn't drink in the next few weeks as long as he couldn't trust his drunk self. Accidents like that night after they went to the club shouldn't happen anymore. Ashton didn't want to be responsible for the end of Luke and Sierra's relationship as much as he would like the blonde for himself.  
Luke had already cheated on Sierra anyway and he was lucky that Sierra hadn't found out yet.

The end tunes of 'Want You Back' were playing and Ashton emotionally prepared for 'If These Walls Could Talk'. Even if Luke didn't remember the night, Ashton thought about the guitarist everytime they played that song. They'd fall from grace.

'Some things are meant to be secret and not to be heard  
So if I tell you, just keep it and don't say a word.'  
At that point Ashton shut down. Hot tears started to run down the drummer's face but he bravely continued drumming. The tears blocked his seight but Ashton didn't let that stop him.

When the song was finally over, Ashton could take a deep breath and calm down. Before they'd perform the last song of the night, Michael talked a little, entertaining the crowd with a few bad jokes.

The drummer quickly wiped away the tears, satisfied with being able to stop them and put on a smile. He finished the rest of the concert and was relieved when they were finally backstage.  
While the other boys were happily chatting about something, Ashton needed a moment to himself and left the room. He locked himself in a cabin of a visitor bathroom, sliding down the wall until he sat on the floor hugging his knees and burying his face in them.

Michael, Calum and Luke on the other hand quickly went showering because Calum wanted to finally introduce his new girlfriend.

'She'll be here in ten', Calum said before he started rubbing his hair dry with a towel.

Minutes later, the three boys were waiting dry and completely dressed for Aarany who should be there any minute.  
Since they would be playing another concert in the same arena the next day, they could take their time that night.

'Mate, no need to be nervous', Michael laughed as he watched Calum nervously pacing around the room.

'Yeah whatever', Calum answered, making Michael only laugh harder.  
Only now Luke noticed that Ashton was missing. Usually, the boys soft giggles would fill the room and make Luke giggle aswell but they didn't.

'Where's Ash?'

'Huh?', Calum asked, turning around to Luke.

'Ashton. Where is he?'

'Dunno. He didn't shower with us though', Calum replied with a shrug. They were used to having one of them missing all of a sudden, so no one was really worried. And even though there was no reason to be worried, Luke couldn't help but concentrate on that weird feeling in the pit of his stomach.

'Hey Aarany!', Calum said, making Luke look up.  
The guitarist eyes were now focusing the pretty girl with the blue short hair infront of him. Aarany walked up to the boys, giving Calum a kiss before greeting Luke and Michael with a hug and indroducing herself.

'Nice to finally meet you', Luke said with a blush as the girl broke away from the hug. Normally Luke wasn't the hug person with people he didn't know. Well, of course unless they were fans.

The boys talked to Aarany for a bit but Luke couldn't entirely focus on the conversation. After he had at least twice noticed that he only thought about the drummer with the honey blonde hair and the hazel eyes, he decided to finally look for the boy.

'I uhm.. sorry, but I need to eh', Luke started, being at a loss for words. The drummer made Luke not being able to think straight and it showed.

'Toilet?'

'Uh.. yeah', Luke said and hurried out of the room. He didn't know where to go but he decided to look in the changing rooms. Maybe Ashton had went there after they had left.


	29. Twenty-Nine.

The blonde's long legs carried him all the way, tripping into the changing rooms, almost falling on his face while doing so.  
Luke was about to leave because the room was empty as he heard a shower running in the back.

'Ash?'  
With small steps, Luke made his way over to the showers.  
When he finally saw Ashton, he felt his heart breaking. The boy sat fully clothed under a running shower and his face buried in his hands.  
His shoulder's were shaking and he was clearly sobbing his little heart out.

Luke froze just staring at his best friend who was falling apart right infront of him. Ashton hadn't noticed Luke until he looked up with his wet hair hanging into his face.

'Luke?', he croaked, his voice obviously strained from all the crying. Little sobs still escaped his chapped lips but he tried to hold him in as best as he could.

Only the running water was breaking the silence that had fallen over the boys as they just looked at each other.

Luke took a step forward, holding a hand out for Ashton to grab. When the drummer reached for the hand, Luke pulled him up. The wet floor made Ashton slip slightly and the blonde tried to catch his friend, causing him to get wet too.

'Oh no, I'm sorry Lu', Ashton said while looking at Luke with red, puffy eyes.

'Don't be', the other boy answered, pulling Ashton into a tight hug.  
Soon, Luke was soaking wet aswell but he didn't care. All he cared about was Ashton who was desperately holding onto him as if his life was depending on it.

'Lu?'  
The addressed boy looked up, bringing some distance between their faces. Sobs were shaking the smaller boy again and it was as if you could hear two hearts breaking.

'I need you', Ashton said in all honesty. He couldn't hide anymore. He just couldn't.

'I'm here', Luke said and got closer to his friend again, connecting their lips in a kiss. Careful not to break the fragile boy, Luke moved his lips against Ashton's, who hesitantly responded. Clearly confused by the blonde's kiss, Ashton still could only think about the pain he felt. The aching feeling in his chest when he looked at Luke, making it hard to breathe. The feeling that made him feel heavy and dull, captured by his sadness and behind closed doors.  
The feeling that made his stomach fill up with butterflies but let them die immediately as brutally as possible. Slow and painful.

The kiss was like a spark in the dark. A glimmer of hope when he felt like giving up. It made him think that he could try one more day. Only one more day and maybe that would make it right. Maybe Luke could fix this, fix him.

As the water was dripping down their bodies and their soaked clothes clung onto them like a second skin the door opened, revealing Michael.

'Luke?', he asked and the boys broke apart but it was already too late. Michael had seen them.

'Ash?', he asked confused, looking at the scene infront of him.

'What's going on?', he asked when no one spoke, making Ashton and Luke tense up even more.

'I.. we.. it's not like that', Luke tried to explain but he knew that it was hopeless. Michael had seen them and there was nothing changing that.

'It was my fault. I irritated Luke', Ashton said and gave Luke a last look before leaving the room. He walked past a very confused Michael, leaving an at least equally confused Luke back.  
What happened and why did it happen?


	30. Thirty.

'You can't just act like that didn't happen!', Michael said as he walked after Luke.

'And stop smoking. That won't help anyone right now', he added as he took the lighter from the younger boy who only huffed with a cigarette still between his lips.

'What are you going to do now, huh? I'm sure this wasn't just Ashton's fault.'

After Ashton had left the room, Luke had tried to pretend that the kiss never happened. He was straight, had a girlfriend and Ashton was his best friend. He was sad and Luke was convinced that the kiss just happened because he wanted to comfort Ashton.  
Why make a big deal out of it?

'Stop ignoring me Luke. You can't run away from your problems like that. Sooner or later you have to face the truth', Michael once again tried to break through his friend's stubbornness.

Fact was that Luke was indeed very aware of the truth. He kissed Ashton and as much as he didn't want to admit it, he did it. He kissed Ashton, not the other way around.

'It's not like it hurt anyone', Luke mumbled as he tried to get his lighter back.

'For god's sake Luke! Are you even thinking right now? You must be very stupid to think that this didn't hurt anyone. If it didn't affect you, then it definitely did affect Ashton and it will affect Sierra for sure', Michael said what Luke didn't want to hear.

'Shut up. I don't want to hear it. You don't know anything so stop acting like you do.'

'What is going on?', Calum asked as he came outside along with Ashton. Aarany had left a few minutes ago, which was why Calum had no idea what happened.

'Oh nothing. Luke just acts like a fucking brick', Michael answered but Calum only rose an eyebrow in confusion.

'Jesus Christ. What the fuck happened while I was gone?'

'I won't say anything. These two can tell you what happened.'  
Calum groaned in annoyance and looked at Ashton, the Luke.

'Go on, I'm listening.'

'We kissed. So? What's the matter, huh?', Luke hissed at Calum, shooting death glares at Michael.

'I can't believe you don't see it', Michael once again spoke up. Tension filled up the whole room, making everyone feel uncomfortable.

'See what?'

'That Ashton loves you!', Michael yelled in Luke's face, shocked by what he had just said. Luke seemed to be equally shocked while Ashton tried his best not to cry as Calum hugged him. No matter how much Ashton wanted Luke to be his, he never wanted Luke to find out, especially not like this. Luke loved Sierra. He loved her not him. Luke was straight.  
It was obvious that he would only hurt and he didn't know how much more his heart could take.

'He doesn't love me.. right?', Luke said, facing Ashton.

'Love is a strong word..', Ashton said as he tried to calm down. Crying wouldn't help.

'I.. what? This.. but why?'  
The guitarist couldn't believe what he had just heard. He always thought that their fooling around didn't mean anything. He wouldn't hurt his best friend on purpose. He wasn't like that, like a heartless asshole.

'Fuck', he mumbled under his breath while running a hand through his messy curls. This wasn't supposed to happen. Ashton could never possibly like him like that.


	31. Thirty-One.

'Can we talk?'  
Ashton nodded and stood up. He knew that they had to talk about it at some point. Maybe just facing it would be the best way to deal with the situation.

The boys went to the back of the bus in which they were currently still sitting in. They would arrive at the airport soon and Luke wanted to talk to Ashton before they left the country for the next concerts.

'So?', Ashton asked, biting his lip. Knowing that you would hear what will break your heart was horrible.

'I.. I didn't know that you had feelings for me.. jesus, Ash. I would've never kissed you..', the boy said, feeling the guilt eat him up alive.

'It's okay.. I should've told you.'

'I feel so bad.. All this talking about Sierra infront of you..'

'It's okay Luke. I can deal with it', Ashton said, avoiding to look at the blonde. He didn't want Luke to see the tears in his eyes. Of course he was lying but he had to deal with it. There was no way around that.

'I'm sorry Ash, seriously.'

'I know Luke and I told you it's fine. I know that you don't feel the same. Just leave it now please', Ashton said, standing up. He just wanted to be alone, dealing with the heartbreak on his own.

'Wait', Luke spoke up. He grabbed Ashton's wrist, preventing him from walking away.

'No. Stop.'  
The hurt in their eyes was clearly visible because both boys were just very unhappy with the situation.  
Luke felt like losing his best friend when he let the drummer go, watching him disappear in the front of the bus.

'What did you do now?', Michael asked as he sat down next to Luke, hugging his side.

'I just wanted to talk.. I wanted to make it okay but I can't. I lost him Mike.'

'No you didn't. Luke, he needs time. You're still his best friend and we all know that but he's hurt. Give him time', Michael said. He was a little mad that Luke didn't see what he did to Ashton before he had told him but in the end, Luke was one of his best friends and nothing could change that. Not even if he was acting like a total dick.

Only ten minutes later, they had to leave the bus.  
Calum and Ashton were in the small bathroom of the bus, preparing Ashton for the waiting fans.

'I can't Cal. I'm a hopeless mess', Ashton sobbed. The crying boy sat on the closed toilet seat and Calum kneeled infront of him, trying to calm him down.  
With his thumbs, he wiped Ashton's tears away.

'Don't say that. You'll be okay Ash', Calum said and pulled the boy up, right into his arms. Ashton silently cried into Calum's shirt, desperately trying to stop.

'I'm pathetic Cal, I'm sorry.'

'You're not. You are a strong man, okay?' Calum brought some distance between the two, making Ashton look into his eyes.  
With a sigh, Ashton nodded, letting out a shaky breath.

'Let's go, huh?'

'Yeah, yeah. Let me just collect myself. I'll be out in a minute?'  
Calum nodded and patted Ashton's shoulder once more before leaving.

The drummer on the other hand splashed some cold water in his face, trying to get rid of any evidence of him crying just minutes ago.  
With a towel, he dried off his wet face and leaned on the edge of the sink, looking at himself in the mirror.

'Can't be that hard to get over that long-legged dork', he said to himself before taking a deep breath and leaving the bathroom.  
The other boys were already waiting for him and gave him a warm smile as he joined them.

'Ready?'

'Yeah', Ashton answered and followed the boys out of the bus. They were quickly surrounded by bodyguards, making it almost impossible to get their suitcases out of the bus.  
Eventually, they succeeded and walked towards the entrance of the airport, where their fans were already waiting.

'Stay together, guys! We don't have too much time. Just a couple of photos and autographs.'  
The boys nodded, walking a little faster to have a little more time to make their fans happy.  
While Ashton seemed to do an actual quite good job at smiling and hiding his emotional chaos, Luke was complete opposite.  
He stumbled past the fans, only taking three pictures before it was too much.  
The guitarist earned a few confused and concerned looks but couldn't care less. All he thought about was how badly he had hurt Ashton and that it was only his fault, that Ashton had cried in the bathroom.

'Luke, wait up!', a voice yelled behind him. The blonde turned around, only to be faced with Ashton.

'Ash?'

'Please Luke. I don't want this weird distance between us. I hate arguing with you and I'm sorry that I was so mean to you earlier. I just need time to accept it but I don't want this getting in the way of our friendship', Ashton rambled, making Luke smile.

'I'm sorry too', he answered, pulling Ashton into a hug. The drummer tensed a bit but soon relaxed in his friend's arms. Maybe this wouldn't be as easy as Ashton thought it would be, but they could definitely make it.


	32. Thirty-Two

'Pillow fight!'

'No, stop', Ashton laughed, putting his hands over his head as a pillow hit him.

'Don't be boring', Luke pouted, throwing another pillow, this time a little less motivated.

'I'm not going to let you call me boring Mr Hemmings', Ashton said and stood up, taking a blanket with him. The smaller boy was quick to throw the blanket over the giant, making Luke fall from the bed.

'Man down, man down', Luke exclaimed a little too dramatic.

'Oh no, will he make it?', Ashton asked, falling on his knees next to his friend.

'I don't think so.'  
With a last, very dramatic breath, Luke's limbs went limp.

'Oh no. I will never be happy again. If you're not in the world, I don't want to live anymore aswell', Ashton said, pretending to stab himself with a dagger.

'Romeo and Juliet? Seriously?'  
Luke started laughing as he sat up, not bothering to stand up. The floor was comfortable enough. Ashton seemed to think the same thing, because he just laughed, staying on the floor aswell.

'I love that story, okay?'

'Sure, alright. Hopeless romantic', Luke said, receiving a death glare from his friend.

'You know what? I'm going to punish you for that.' Luke furrowed his eyebrows at his friend's words.

'I'd love to question that because this is either going to end really bad for me or really kinky.'

'Bad. And in bad, I mean boring. And in boring, I mean sit your ass down and wait for your surprise', Ashton answered with a cheeky smile.

'You know that this sounded horribly kinky aswell?'

'Mhm, I'm aware.'  
Ashton stood up and walked towards the doorway, stopping there and turning around. He blew a kiss towards Luke and winked before walking out completely to get his movie collection. Ashton always brought his favourite movies with him, including Romeo and Juliet.

He quickly went through the plastic cases, pulling out the right one and closing the zipper of his bag again.  
With a slight jump in his walk, he went back to the bedroom, quickly putting the disk in and setting everything up before pressing play.

'Now move and cuddle with me because I will cry and need comfort', Ashton said as he jumped on the bed.  
Luke quickly did as he was told, wrapping his arms around the honey blonde. Ashton's curls tickled Luke's chin but the boy didn't mind. He liked having the boy so close and an attractive drummer also known as his best friend between his legs wasn't the worst thing after all.

'Fuck, I love that movie.'

'Why?'

'Because I love love, don't you?'

'Uhm.. what kind of question is that?'

'Well, one I want you to answer but if the answer is no, don't answer it at all.'

'Alright. Yes.'  
Ashton nodded, smiling happily at his friend's answer.  
With a satisfied smile, he moved a little closer to Luke, leaning against the boy's chest and closing his eyes.

'I thought you wanted to watch the movie?', Luke asked with a chuckle as he saw Ashton slowly drifting off to sleep after only a few minutes of watching the movie he had picked.

'Mhm, sure', Ashton replied. The effort he had to put in talking was clearly already too much, which was why he held his answers short. Luke just shook his head slightly with a fond smile and continued watching the movie.

About forty minutes later, Ashton was sound asleep and Luke started to become sleepy too. Their positions had changed by now and Ashton spooned Luke, even though Ashton was a lot smaller than his friend.  
That's just how it's always been and no one was going to complain about it.

The movie went on, just like Luke's thoughts that lead from one thing to another, making him incredibly tired.  
The guilt was still eating him up and the fact that Ashton acted like nothing had happened made the blonde go crazy. Feeling bad about something was just exhausting, especially when the reason was cuddling you.  
He couldn't believe that the drummer really felt as good as he was acting like but breaking his walls down wasn't an option either. They still had concerts ahead of them and Ashton shouldn't constantly have to fight for being happy. Luke had to do something and help Ashton, no matter how because in the end, it was his fault.  
With that being the last thing on his mind, the blonde fell asleep in the arms of the boy he had hurt.


	33. Thirty-Three.

About three days later, Luke had made a decision. He had thought about it almost every night and day since he had decided to help Ashton. Now finally, three days later he knew what to do - make Ashton contact the boy from the club. Well, the downside of that was that they were in another country. That was an obstacle but no reason to give up.

'Hey Ash', Luke said as he sat down next to the boy who was currently on his phone.

'Hey.'

'Uhm, remember that night at the club?'

'In America?', Ashton asked, still not looking up from his phone.

'Yeah, yeah there. You met that boy.. what was his name again?'  
Luke was nervously shifting in his seat, rubbing his hands together.

'Lucas.'

'Ah right, Lucas', Luke said, ignoring the fact that Ashton hadn't told him what the boy's name was. Obviously Ashton had forgotten about that and told him immediately.

'Uhm so Lucas. Do you have his number?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Texted him?'

'No I didn't.. why are you asking anyway?', Ashton asked, finally looking up. The boy frowned at the singers sudden curiosity.

'Oh.. just for.. uhm scientific reasons', he answered, his face flushed red.

'Luke?'  
The addressed boy hummed in response.

'You're one mess of a liar. Just tell me what you want.'  
Ashton now had his arms crossed and looked at his friend with an eyebrow raised.

'No need to be rude', Luke mumbled with a pout. He didn't want to admit what his true intentions were so he had to talk himseld out of this.

'Luke', the drummer warned him. Ashton was clearly impatient and wanted an answer, if only Luke wouldn't suck at lying.

'What? I'm just curious. But if I'm not allowed to ask, I won't anymore', Luke said standing up and wanting to leave.  
As he reached the door, he had almost given up that his plan would work.

'Okay, okay. Sit down and ask', Ashton said and Luke hid his grin before turning around and walking back to where he sat before. Maybe Luke was bad at lying but manipulating was a different story.

'Why didn't you text him?'

'Guess I kind of forgot about it. He didn't text me either though', Ashton responded as he watched Luke making himself comfortable.

'Then text him now? He seemed like a nice guy', Luke pointed out, even though he could hardly remember what the guy looked like.

'I could, yeah. But I still don't get why you care so much. Plus, you haven't talked to him so how do you know that he's nice?'

'I uhm.. just a wild assumption but you talked to him for quite a while so I figured he is.'

'Are you saying that I only talk to nice guys?'

'Yeah', Luke said but it came out rather as a question. His hands were folded over his right knee that he had pressed against his chest and his head was resting on it as he looked at Ashton, waiting for the conversation to continue.  
Ashton on the other hand was just confused. He wasn't able to put a finger on why Luke cared so much about his meeting with Lucas.  
Was he jealous? Probably not.

'Rude to think of yourself as nice', the drummer mocked Luke.

'Hey! I am nice and you know it.'

'Sure.'

'I am nice but whatever. Are you going to text him now or..?', the blonde asked, leaving the question open. A smile spread on his face as Ashton nodded with a sigh and unlocked his phone again.  
As the boy clicked on Lucas' contact, he frowned.

'What? What's wrong?'  
Luke immediately sensed his friend's discomfort, scooting a little closer in order to help.

'I don't know what to say', Ashton admitted, locking his phone and putting it away.

'No, no don't give up already. Let's think..', Luke said, grabbing his friend's phone and putting it back in his hands.

'Maybe first tell him who you are and then why you didn't text. Just in case, you know? You could maybe add that you liked talking to him or so.'  
Surprised at Luke's sudden knowledge of club acquaintances, he nodded and started typing.

'How does that sound?'  
The honey blonde showed his friend the text he had typed but hadn't send yet.

'Good. Maybe scratch the 'I'm in a boyband and we travelled through the world' part. Sounds a little.. well over the top, you know? You can add that later if he wants to keep texting.'  
With another nod, he deleted that part and let Luke read over it again.  
The blonde now approved and they send the text, now having to wait for a response. How long that would take?


	34. Thirty-Four.

A couple of minutes was the answer.  
Lucas had responded immediately, admitting that he had been too shy to text himself. Ashton had chuckled at that, blushing a little and since then the boys were texting non stop.

'Luke!', Ashton yelled at the top of his lungs, making Luke jump. The blonde ran towards Ashton, almost slipping and falling on his face as he stopped infront of his friend.

'Jesus..', the drummer said, laughing at Luke's clumsiness.

'God, Ashton', Luke started but his friend cut him off.

'You can just call me Ashton', he said and left Luke with nothing to do than to give himself a facepalm.

'For fuck's sake Ashton. Why did you scream like a maniac?'

'Oh, right, that. I forgot, sorry', Ashton admitted. Luke sighed and walked away, shaking his head in disbelief.

'Luke! I remember', Ashton yelled from the back again but before the guitarist could turn around, Ashton was already standing behind him.

'Lucas, you know, the boy we met in the club in America', he started, 'he actually lives in Sydney.'  
With big, happy hazel eyes Ashton looked at Luke, waiting for the guitarist's reaction. His excitement was clearly visible and Luke had to smile aswell at that.

'Awesome. Are you going to meet?'

'Yeah. I mean, it's only one concert before we're home again.'

'You have a lot of time for him then', Luke pointed out, receiving a nod from the other boy.

'Yes. Thank you so much for making me text him. He's great.'  
Surprised, the blonde catched Ashton as he threw himself in his arms, pulling Luke as close as possible.

'You're welcome Ash.'

About six hours later, the band was on stage again, performing their last concert before going home for an unclear amount of time. Their tour for their album 'Youngblood' was a lot of fun but also a lot of stress and everyone was exhausted.  
A new writing period would start then and maybe a couple of interviews and performances would follow but except for that, they had a little time for themselves.

'Alright, thank you so much for this incredible last night and an amazing way to end this tour. Every single concert was a blessing and a huge honour to play and we wouldn't habe it any other way. Without you, we wouldn't be where we are today but thanks to the best fans in the world, we are. Thank you so much and good night.'  
With that, the boys ran off stage, the cheers getting morr distant with every step they took.

'That was awesome', Michael exclaimed, dancing in excitement.

'It was. I'm glad we have a break now but I'm already pumped for the next tour', Calum joined Michael's little happy dance.

Music was playing in the big concert hall, guiding their fans their way outside. The sounds were damped through the thick walls of the shower room they had entered.  
Everyone stripped out of their clothes, walking under the showers.  
Seconds later, the running showers were drowning out the music.

Ashton closed his eyes, letting the hot water run over his face. With slightly opened lips, he pushed his hair back, gasping for a little air. The honey blonde boy tried to relaxed but the constant feeling of someone's eyes on him were stopping him from that.  
When he opened his eyes, wanting to find the the source of his discomfort, no one was even facing him. Even though he could swear that Luke had only just turned around, he was sure that Luke couldn't have been the one staring at him. He was probably just being paranoid.

Rinsing the last remains of shampoo out of his hair, he closed his eyes again. The other boys were already done, but Ashton liked to take his sweet time.  
His plans on standing longer under the steaming, hot water were devilishly foiled by Luke. The blonde tapped the drummer's side, making Ashton jump in surpise and look at the other boy with widened eyes.

'Jesus, Luke! You scared me!'

'Sorry', Luke said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. His other hand was holding up the towel that was loosely wrapped around his waist.

'You scared me', Ashton mumbled after giving his heart a chance to slow it's pace again.

'You said that already', Luke said, smirking. He liked that Ashton was blushing and the urge to kiss the drummer again got stronger. Luke didn't know what it was but knowing that he had a chance with his friend made him question everything.  
Sierra sometimes just fell out of the picture.

'What did you want anyway?', Ashton asked as he finally collected himself and was able to think straight again.

'I just wanted to tell you to hurry up.'

'And you couldn't do that a little louder so I wouldn't get a heartattack?'

'Nope, so.. hurry up', Luke said and left, leaving Ashton alone again.


	35. Thirty-Five.

Two days in their free time at home and Ashton was already standing infront of his mirror, getting ready for meeting Lucas again.  
To say he was nervous was an understatement.  
Already three times he had changed his outfit because nothing worked for a date night in Ashton's opinion.  
Slowly, the honey blonde boy grew frustrated and threw himself on his bed.  
Usually, he was quite confident about his style but right now, nothing seemed good enough.  
The fact that he had only about fifteen minutes to get ready wasn't helping and Ashton knew, he needed help.

'Hello?'

'Yeah hi, it's me', Ashton said, still scrawled across the bed.

'Ashy, shouldn't you be on your date?'

'Yeah.. that. I kind of need your help.'  
With his bottom lip between his teeth, he explained the problem to Luke.

'Uhh, fashion advice. I'll be right over', the blonde said and hung up.  
Ashton on the other hand texted Lucas that he would be a little late and the boy from the club replied with 'cool, me too. See ya in 20?' to which Ashton agreed.

When Luke had said he would be right over, Ashton didn't think that Luke was already on his way while talking to him on the phone. Well, he was so the drummer opened the door and let him in. Ashton followed Luke into his bedroom and sat down on his bed as he watched the blonde go through his clothes.

'Where are you two going again?'

'Uhm.. we're going to a restaurant but take the food with us and eat at the sea. It's warm enough to be there in the evening plus were alone there', Ashton explained.

'Aww Ashy, that's so romantic', Luke cooed, ignoring the slight jealousy building up inside of him.

'Not too much?'  
The drummer tried to hide the fact that he was blushing at his friend's words by hiding behind his hands, but Luke had already seen it.

'No and don't be ashamed. If I was Lucas, I'd love it', Luke said and gave Ashton the clothes he had picked out.

'Go change, I'll wait.'  
Ashton nodded and went to the bathroom, putting the clothes on.

'Don't you dare looking in a mirror before I see it', Luke yelled just in time for Ashton to walk past the mirror without eyeing himself.  
The drummer bit his lip as he walked into the bedroom, facing Luke.

'Ah, I did great, didn't I?', the blonde praised himself, allowing the other boy to take a look at his outfit.

As he turned around, standing right infront of the huge mirror that was part of his wardrobe, he hummed happily. Luke had given him black skinny jeans with a chain on them, a neon yellow, tight and long-sleeved shirt and a leather jacket that said 'that's cool baby.'.

'Do you like it?'  
With his pretty ocean blue eyes, he looked at Ashton with hope.

'I love it, but isn't that your jacket?'

'Yeah, but I thought it would suit you and I was obviously right', he pointed out, causing the honey blonde to blush. Since he didn't know what to respond, he stayed quiet and so did Luke. Awkwardly, Ashton stood in the middle of the room, still blushing and wondering what was going on and again, so did Luke.

'I should.. probably go', Ashton said after a while, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

'Uh, yeah. Shouldn't be late on your first date.'  
Luke followed his friend to the doorframe of the bathroom, where he watched the boy attempted to style his hair with shaking hands.

'Come on, Ash. Let me help you', Luke mumbled and walked closer, taking the drummer's hands in his and bringing them down. Without thinking too much of it, Ashton put his hands on Luke's waist, while the guitarist fixed his hair.

'So, done.'

'Thanks', Ashton mumbled as he looked at Luke. He could swear that for a second, he lost himself in the boy's blue eyes.


	36. Thirty-Six.

Tip toeing into the cool water, Lucas clung onto Ashton's hand, giggling.

'You said you had towels, right?', the red head asked, following Ashton a little further into the sea.

'Of course', the drummer replied, taking Lucas other hand and pulling him closer as they where now in the water.

'Never thought that you'd be so romantic.'

'Don't judge a book by it's cover.'  
With his famous giggle, he put an even bigger smile on Lucas lips, who was slowly falling for the sweet honey blonde boy. And he was falling hard.

Holding his date in his arms and looking in his beautiful brown eyes, Ashton felt normal for once. Nothing about the moment felt wrong or pressured and knowing that you wouldn't have to act like it didn't happen made it even better.

'You remember that I said that I have never seen such dark and beautiful brown eyes?', Ashton asked, getting a hum in response.

'I think that was a lie because now that I can see them in all their glory, beautiful isn't the right word to describe their true depth and beauty. They're mesmerising and I feel like drowning in them.'

'God, Ashton. I've never met someone quite like you', Lucas said with a deep blush coating his cheeks, 'kiss me please.'

'I'd be honoured to', Ashton replied and connected their lips. The kiss was soft and innocent but both could feel the butterflies coming alive, making their bodies tingle at the sensation.  
As their lips parted again, a satisfied smile was displayed on them, sharing the same feelings about each other.

'Ash?', Lucas asked, biting his lip.

'Luz?'

'Aww I like that.'

'Luz?', Ashton asked and Lucas nodded.

'We'll keep that then. What did you want to say though?'

'Now that we're soaked anyway', he started and Ashton could swear, his voice held something seductive.

'No, not that, you think completely wrong', Lucas laughed and before Ashton could even answer, his head was under water.

'Such a bad boy!', Ashton chuckled as he surfaced again, rubbing his eyes. When he opened them, Lucas was already trying to swim away, giggling like crazy.

'Oh, just wait until I get you', he yelled and started swimmingin his direction, chasing him through the sea.

While Ashton and Lucas had a great time at their date, Luke was sitting at home, holding Sierra in his arms. They were watching something but Luke hadn't once paid attention to her since he returned. He would probably feel bad about his mental absence later but right now, he had to fight the jealousy that was building up in him somehow.

'Babe? I think I'll go for a walk', he mumbled, moving a little so Sierra would sit up.

'Are you okay?', she asked worried. Of course she had noticed the mood that her boyfriend was in, but had decided to give him time to talk about it.

'Yeah, sure', the blonde answered, standing up and leaving the livingroom. Sierra did the same, following him and watching as he put his shoes on.

'You don't seem okay hun. What's wrong? Should I come with you?'  
With a heavy sigh, he shook his head, giving his girlfriend his best puppy eyes.

'I can't talk about it right now, I'm sorry. I just.. I don't know. I need to clear my head and maybe a little space?', he said but the last part sounded more like a question.

'Of course. I won't pressure you, you know that', she said and he leaned down to kiss her but she just softly kissed his forehead, caressing his cheek.

'I'm here and I'll wait for you. Just please, take care of yourself', she mumbled and once again, watched as Luke got his jacket and grabbed the key to his car. She frowned at that but didn't say anything, as he opened the front door.

'Bye.'

'I love you Luke', Sierra said, her arms wrapped around her stomach. Situations like this always made her sick of worry.

'I love you', Luke replied and walked out of the door, closing it behind him. With big steps, he walked towards his car, quickly getting in and driving off.  
Technically, he was way too absent to drive but he needed to get away.  
Why was he jealous?


	37. Thirty-Seven.

'Thank you for this wonderful date', Lucas said and kissed Ashton once more before getting out of the car and waving as he walked inside the building he lived in.

Happy about the outcome of the meeting, Ashton checked his phone since he hadn't done that in the last hours.

'What the hell?', he mumbled as he saw texts from Luke, saying that he misses Ashton and that he's jealous. The boy was clearly drunk since his spelling was horrible, but Ashton knew where to look for the boy when he read Luke's texts closely.  
He pulled out of his parking stop, driving towards the supermarket that was the closest to where Luke used to live.

Ten minutes later, Ashton walked towards the back of the supermarket and through the hole in the fence.

'Luke?', he asked, quickening his pace as he saw a silhouette leaning against the wall.

'Luke.'

'Ashton', Luke sobbed as he saw the drummer, slowly but surely stumbling in his arms.

'Oh Lu, what happened?'

'I missed you', the blonde just sobbed, clinging onto Ashton even harder than before. He had been at the back of the supermarket for the last hour, drinking some cheap alcohol, trying to drown his confusion.  
Sadly, that didn't work since his clouded mind was even worse at understanding his feelings and the first solution that came to his mind was to call Ashton.  
The drummer's date was pretty much forgotten and all Ashton could think about was how to bring Luke home safely.

'Come on Lu, my car is in the front', Ashton said, supporting Luke in his walking the best he could. Since Luke was significantly taller than him, he had trouble not falling over along with the guitarist, but sadly, it felt like they'd been in this situation way too often by now.

As they made it to the car, opening it and getting Luke in was a little more difficult than what he expected since the boy didn't want to let go of Ashton.

'I'm right next to you in the car, I promise', he mumbled but Luke wouldn't let him. In the end, he had to climb over Luke on the passenger seat, to get on the drivers seat.

'Let me just close your door and buckle you in, yeah?'  
With that, he leaned over the still sobbing boy, pulling the door shut and grabbing the seatbelt to pull across the blonde's body. Luke liked having Ashton so close and his sobs immediately died down, while Ashton was pressed against his body, fumbling with the seatbelt.

'Alright, here we go.'  
With a warm smile at Luke, Ashton buckled in the seatbelt, but didn't start the engine of the car yet. He was too satisfied with the way Luke looked at him- vulnerable, desperate and what was the best, with love.

'Luke? Why did you really come here?', Ashton asked after a while, brushing a strand of Luke long locks from his forehead.

'Can I lie?'

'No Lu, lying is bad. Tell me the truth.'

'I don't wanna', he protested with a whine, tears welling up in his eyes again. Before they could spill too much, Ashton wiped them away, kissing Luke's cheek.

'You can do it darling, please tell me the truth', he tried again, his hand still resting on the back of Luke's head.

'You'd be mad. Too confusing.. no, no, no', Luke mumbled, biting his lip and resisting the urge to kiss his friend.

'What do you mean?'  
A hurt look crossed Ashton's face, as Luke completely pulled away, not saying another word.

With a sigh, the older boy started the engine, pulling out of the parking lot to drive them home.

'I wouldn't be mad', he mumbled, stopping at a red light.  
Luke didn't say anything though. He kept staring out of the window, wishing to disappear.

'Is Sierra home?'

'Yeah.'

'Does she know what you did?'  
This time, the blonde didn't answer, but Ashton knew what that meant. Without another word, he decided that Luke would stay at his, until he was sober enough to face Sierra. The poor girl was probably sick of worry and a look on Luke's phone when they were finally home told him, he was right.

'Fuck', a yell, followed by a loud bang echoed through the house, causing Ashton to jump on his feet and rush the stairs up.

'Luke? Luke!', Ashton exclaimed, falling onto his knees and pulling Luke's shaking body in his arms.

'Shh, it's okay. You're not alone, I'm here', he said, trying to comfort his friend.

'No, nothing's fine. Life is so fucking confusing and I hate it so so much.'  
The more Luke talked, the more violently his sobs became, which soon made him hyperventilate.

'Luke, stop! You are breathing way too fast.' Ashton started to worry even more and he kneeled down infront of the boy, taking his arms and holding them up.

'Deep breaths. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.'

'No, no, no, no, no', Luke cried, shaking his head.

'Please Luke, just listen to me.'  
Tears started to fall down the drummer's cheeks aswell and when Luke still didn't listen, he did, what he had seen in enough movies to have a chance that it could work.  
He pressed his lips on Luke's, shocking the boy with the action.  
His breath hitched and his sobs died down as he started moving his lips against Ashton's. Their tears made the kiss salty as they mixed but neither of them cared. All that mattered was right there with them in this moment.


	38. Thirty-Eight.

As they broke apart, they were out of breath but Luke wasn't hyperventilating anymore and in the end, this was to purpose of the kiss, nothing more.

'Why did you do that?'

'Did what?'

'Kiss me..', Luke mumbled, touching his still tingling lips.

'I.. I'm sorry, I panicked and it seemed like a good idea..'  
Before he would start rambling, he shut his mouth. The situation was bad enough already.

'I.. maybe we should go to sleep', Luke whispered, still not daring to look at Ashton. He was way too confused to stay in this situation any longer.  
The younger boy left the room, hoping that Ashton would maybe follow him but he didn't. Ashton was frozen on the floor, not moving an inch.

The whole night was spend in different rooms. Ashton had to sort his thoughts out and as much as he wanted it, he couldn't do that next to Luke.

'Ash?', a timid voice that belonged to the blonde guitarist asked.

'Lu', Ashton replied with a sigh. He knew that they would eventually have to face the truth and talk about everything. They weren't teenagers anymore and for the sake of the band and their friendship, they couldn't act like that anymore either.

'We have to talk, I guess', Ashton said and Luke nodded. The drummer patted the space next to him on the couch for Luke to sit down, which the boy did.

'I uhm.. I don't know what to say really.. but I figured that me liking you has affected like.. everything. Just the way we act around each other, even the way we act on stage.. this isn't good for any of us.'

'Yeah, I agree. I'm sorry for just.. I guess giving mixed signals? The thing is just my signals are mixed because I'm horribly confused about like everything.'

'I totally get that', Ashton said, smiling slightly at Luke, 'I am too, but if we really think about it, you're with Sierra and I really like Lucas.'

'He seems like a nice guy', Luke said, biting his lip. He didn't like this conversation, but just like Ashton said, it was for the sake of the band and themselves.

'He is, he is. It's just taking a toll on me that we just can't seem to figure out what this thing between us is.'

'It is driving me kind of crazy aswell to be completely honest', Luke replied with a sigh. He felt like everything he'd say now would be wrong, so he left the talking part at Ashton, who on the other hand was talking way too much and partly just non sense.

'See, I like you Luke, I still am crushing pretty hard on you, but I did a few things that were just not okay. I feel like I took advantage of you and that I'm the cause of your confusion.'  
For the first time, Luke actually looked at Ashton. He looked him right in the eyes which held so much emotions and Luke knew, there was only one right thing to do.  
He had to let go of his confusion.

'I think, I get what you're saying and you might be the reason for why I am confused and did things that I normally wouldn't do.. I remember a few things, by far not everything but what I remember, I just can't get that out of my head. It's stuck there', Luke said, finally ready to pour his heart out. He took Ashton's hand in his, drawing patterns with his thumb on the back of his friend's hand, his eyes never leaving Ashton's. Luke hadn't felt this vulnerable in a long time and he didn't know if this was a good or bad sign. With Ashton, the tall blonde always felt like he could just be himself. There was no need to hide.

'What I am trying to say is.. I think I might've fallen for you.'


	39. Thirty-Nine.

That was the moment.  
In the past weeks, even months, this was what Ashton had longed for to happen and now that it was there, he wasn't so sure anymore.

Luke Hemmings, the most gorgeous, tall, blonde and talented boy he had ever laid his eyes on, confessed his feelings for him. And what did Ashton do?

'I'm sorry Luke.. I just.. this thing between us, I just know it won't work out.' That's what he said and Luke only nodded. The boy had been ready to ditch his beautiful girlfriend right there and then for him, but he turned the offer down.

'Don't be sad Lu', he had said.

'We can still be friends', he had said.  
And Luke had nodded because what else was he supposed to do?

'I should probably go home now', Luke had said, but Ashton knew he couldn't let the boy leave like this.  
And this is how they ended up, where they were now, sprawled across the floor in Ashton's room, facing each other.

'This is so.. weird.'

'Weird?'

'Yeah, weird. You liked me but I liked my girlfriend. Now that I like you, you like Lucas.'

'And you still like your girlfriend.'

'I still like my girlfriend', Luke confirmed what Ashton had said.

'And you changed your style entirely', Ashton added, but Luke shook his head.

'Nah, not entirely. Still wear the same clothes', he pointed out, slightly pouting.

'Then change them too.'

'I don't think I can.'

'Why? What's stopping you?'

'Ashton, I already look like a woman. I have long hair, I wear make-up and my nails are done.'

'Your hair is longer, not long and you know what? Doing all of this is called self expression and you know what you need for that?', Ashton asked.

'A make-up artist?'

'No, self-esteem.'

'Okay, so?'

'You look great in it, we love it, the fans love it and most importantly, you love it.'

'But with different clothing I would look like a woman. This might not be too much yet but changing my choice of clothing would definitely be too much.'

'You can wear what you want. Everything makes you look stunning', Ashton said, making Luke go silent and blush. The honey blonde hoped, that finally, Luke would see what others already saw in him- the strong, independent role model that he truly was.

'Do you really think that?'

'Yes, I really think that. Everyone thinks that Lu. Expressing yourself is beautiful and we all loved how much you've blossomed in the past few weeks, even if I messed some of it up.'

'And you think I should try something new? Something.. a little more risky?'

'Yes. Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. Show the world who Luke Hemmings truly is. The fans will accept and love you no matter what.'


	40. Forty.

'You can do it', Ashton said, giving Luke a reassuring smile as the boy slowly approached the front door of Sierra and his home.  
Ashton decided it would be for the best to give them privacy and wait in the car. Luke had confessed about the guilt he felt towards Sierra and both decided it would be the right thing to open up about it.

'No Ash, I can't do it. She will be so disappointed in me and I really can't handle that', Luke said, as he quickly walked back to the drummer's car.

'Lying to her isn't an option either.'

'I'm not lying, I just leave out some details', Luke corrected him, but Ashton shook his head.

'Also known as lying. Luke, we really can't do that. I'm going in with you if that helps you in any way', he offered. Luke hesitated, was that what he wanted?

'Okay', he agreed after a few seconds of considering running away. Ashton had a car after all, he'd be faster.  
With a last pleading look at Ashton who only shook his head, they walked back to the front door and pressed the bell. Only seconds later, the door flew open, revealing Sierra. She immediately pulled Luke in her arms, holding onto him tightly as she closed her eyes.

'Oh god, Luke! You have to stop disappearing all the time without telling me anything. Do you have an idea how I felt?'  
Luke swallowed thickly and locked eyes with Ashton who just sighed.

'Oh, sorry. Hey Ashton', she said, smiling at the drummer and inviting him in.

'What's wrong?', she asked as they followed her into the livingroom. Neither of them answered her, causing her to furrow her eyebrows as a bad feeling formed in the pit of her stomach.

'Please sit down', she said and sat down herself, bringing her knees up to her chest and folding her hands of top.

'You're scaring me', she mumbled and watched as Ashton nudged Luke's side, trying to encourage him.

'I-I made a mistake.'

'What do you mean, you made a mistake?'

'I love you Sierra and I prom-'

'Just please tell me what you have done', she interrupted him with a shaky voice.

'I cheated on you.'

'You did what?', she asked, her bottom lip starting to tremble and her eyes becoming glassy.

Ashton silently watched the scene, feeling gultier than ever for encouraging Luke to tell Sierra the truth. He also was the reason why Luke had to confess something like that in the first place.

'Who.. who was it?'

'I- you don't know her', Luke lied, once again not telling Sierra something she had a right to know about. He wanted to tell her that it was Ashton, but he just couldn't do it.

'I don't even recognise you anymore. You have changed so much. Where's the Luke I fell in love with?', she whispered.

'I'm here, Sierra I'm here. I love you and I regret it so much, please believe me. I love you', Luke cried, standing up. Sierra did the same, wrapping her arms around herself.

'Thank you for your honesty.. you should leave now. I need to think this over', she said and both boys nodded. Ashton now stood up aswell and left the room with Luke. As they stepped out of the house, the door fell shut behind them, signalling the start of Luke's breakdown.

'No, no, no', Luke cried, falling on his knees and burying his face in his hands. Violent sobs shook him, as he repeated the word over and over again. Minutes passed in which Luke cried his little heart out, hardly being able to breathe, until Ashton moved from his state of shock.

'I'm so sorry', Ashton mumbled, tears visible in his eyes aswell as he kneeled down next to his friend, wrapping his arms around him.

'I messed up so bad', Luke said between a few sobs. Ashton shook his head as he stroked the boy's head.

'We both did.'  
Luke fell exhausted against Ashton's chest, safely being caught by the boy.

'We should go', Ashton mumbled against Luke's head, placing a kiss on top of his hair and pulling him up.

'Can I sleep at yours?'

'Of course Lu.'


	41. Thank you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted on Wattpad and so this post is rather unimportant here, I still wanted to post it though.

And once again, I finished one of my works. Now, that I finally can share the whole thing with you, I feel like I am at a loss for words.

This work means so much to me and it went with me through one of the most difficult things in life, which is finding yourself. I am for sure still not at the point where I know exactly who I am but I do know, that I am getting there with every passing day.

Alec, even though you can't be with me anymore, I still want to mention you in here. My beloved puppy, I will miss you so much. You were too young to go. I will cherish the days you've been with me and I know, this has shaped me as a person even more.  
I love you Fellnase and I hope to see you again one day.

Thank you so much to my readers aswell. Every comment has been a pleasure to read and seeing, that I could take some people with me on this journey of finding yourself, I hope I gave you something for life. It might not be much and if it's only a smile, I'm honoured to be the source of it.  
Thank you so much!

All the love, Lukas

PS: the sequel to 'You' is called 'Me' and online :)


	42. Masculinity.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter talks about Luke's post during the first Corona-lockdown. He posted it after the release of their album 'CALM' and I was incredibly proud of him showing that men can wear make-up, nailpolish, the colour pink and so much more!

Hey there,   
I'd like to say one more thing after I was so stunned by this post..  
Literally, what Luke posted was what my intention was with this book and you can't believe how happy and proud this makes me..  
He is a big role model for me and seeing him make it.. it makes me faithful.

It's just crazy to see how far he's come and how much he can love himself now.. I'm just overwhelmed and honestly, I was close to crying when I saw this. It hit me in the exact right moment when I thought that it was useless to try..  
He'll never see this but I'm incredibly grateful for him posting this..

All the love, Lukas


End file.
